


Music to Your Ears

by k_aiii



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:26:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 24,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29258922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k_aiii/pseuds/k_aiii
Summary: Nick had always been in love with music, but it was Karl's worst nightmare.Nick wanted nothing more than to hear Karl play piano for him again, but the mere mention of the instrument would send him into a panic.But Karl would do anything to see Nick smile the way he did.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 53
Kudos: 252





	1. Winter Winds

**Author's Note:**

> When I say slow burn, I mean slow slow burn. Sorry not sorry.
> 
> Every chapter name is a song btw :)

"Oh, My Boy, I am so proud of you!" The woman opened her arms wide, welcoming the boy into a loving hug. He slid his violin case uncaringly to the side and dashed into the woman's embrace.

"I did it, Mom! I did it! I got first place, are you proud of me?" The boy was practically beaming, squeezing his mother in excitement. She pulled her son off and looked straight into his deep brown eyes. She reached her hand up to pinch his fluffy cheek.

"Nick. Not a day goes by that I am not proud of you." Nick giggled as he pushed his mother's hand off his face. "Go on and grab your violin and we can go out to celebrate your first place!" Any other day he would've raced to pick up the case and move at light speed to the car just at the thought of first place victory ice cream. But instead, he shook his head and pulled out a crumpled piece of baby blue paper and handed it to his mother with a smile.

"You said we could watch this time! And we have to hurry, it'll end soon!" She flattened out the piece of paper and turned it around to read:

Golden Piano Junior Competition  
Age 5 -12  
2:30 - 4:40  
April XX, 20XX

She didn't bother reading the rest of the description. In fact, she neatly folded the paper up and tucked it into her cardigan pocket.

"Dear, why do you want to watch so badly? You just won your own Golden Junior. Can't we go and celebrate? And besides," She glanced down at her watch reading 4:25. "it's almost over anyway."

"Exactly! There should only be one performance left and I really wanna see at least one! Please?" He whined and showed off his big brown puppy eyes. His mother sighed and anxiously tapped her heel against the pavement.

"Fine. Just this once..." Nick jumped for joy and ran over to grab his violin case. He bolted back into the theatre hall as his mother slowly followed suit.

Once in the theatre hall, Nick tiptoed and slid to the very front of the theatre and settled down in an empty seat in the very front row. He sat his violin case near his feet, bouncing them in excitement. His mother leaned against the doorframe a good distance away from the stage.

"Last performance of the afternoon," An announcer somewhere off stage began. "Karl Jacobs, age twelve." Nick's eyes lit up thinking about how he and the other musician were the same age. A round of applause swept across the audience only to be silenced a short moments later. A short little boy with fluffy light brown hair sauntered across the stage and settled at the piano bench. He interlocked his hands to stretch before gently placing them on the keys. He closed his eyes, full of worry, and took a deep breath in. When he exhaled, all Nick could see was the look of determination on his face. A chill shot up Nick's back.

He began the piece. Etude Op. 25 No. 11. Winter Winds. It started off as quiet and soft, almost like a gentle breeze before a storm. The tone of the piece quickly shifted as Karl's fingers moved faster across the keys. The notes and rhythms of the song expressed a harsh storm on a harsh and cold winter night. Nick could almost feel the rough wind and cold flakes of snow circle around him until he couldn't breathe. The longer the piece went on, the more small beads of sweat would drip down the boy's face and the determination in his eyes only grew.

Nick was too far gone. A glaze came over his eyes and put him in a permanent state of awe as he watched the boy press the keys. He didn't even notice the few flats the boy accidentally played. When the piece came to an end, he let go a sigh of relief and stood up from the bench. He shuffled away from the piano and took a bow. There were a few quiet whispers, mainly from the panel of judges, until applause erupted from the crowd. Nick also began clapping, if one could even call it that. He stood up and cheered for the boy, ignoring the awkward stares he got from the other audience members.

The boy on stage stared at Nick when he stood back up and gave him a shy smile before he turned and walked off stage. Nick's eyes followed him off the stage and his mind wondered how he wasn't amazed by himself. Every time Nick finished a performance of competition, he would be overcome with glee. Keeping a cool and collected face was never in the cards for him. Nick bent over and grabbed his violin case to practically skip to the exit of the theatre where his mother stood. She quickly wiped her tears from her face and greeted her son with a sad smile.

"Momma? Are you alright?" Nick questioned. She nodded and walked out of the doors with Nick following him close behind.


	2. Moonlight Sonata 3rd Movement

The crowds in the venue began thinning out shortly following the placings being announced. After exiting the stage with what he called a "pity award," Karl speed walked to the fountain outside the theatre. The sound of the water flowing and cars driving out of the parking lot filled his ears.

Out of rage and frustration, Karl ripped his sheet music from his folder and chucked them into the water, followed by the worn black paper folder itself. In a last-ditch effort to release any other emotion, he pulled his silver medal off and threw it to the ground, scratching part of it. The little boy collapsed onto the pavement, head in hands, to cry his heart out.

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?! He chanted in his head.

A woman in a short red dress came out of the theatre doors. She looked the boy up and down before taking a pair of sunglasses out of her purse to slide them on. She turned her head and spoke:

"When you're done throwing your tantrum, get in the car. You have a long evening of practicing ahead of you." The clicking of her heels faded away, but Karl's self-doubt only grew. He didn't know how long he would stay kneeled over on the ground. Maybe until the sunset that evening. Maybe until he magically became a good musician in his mother's eyes.

He would sit there wallowing in self-pity for eternity if that were the case.

Only when he heard the sound of splashing in the fountain did he look up. A young boy also dressed in a suit and tie rolled his sleeves and pant legs up and began rummaging around in the fountain. The boy was hunched over and ever so gently picked up every piece of delicate sopping wet piece of paper. He picked up the final one and held them all against his chest, then turned to the boy and stood upright. He held the papers and showed his wide smile.

"I think you dropped these!" He made his way out of the fountain and stood in front of Karl. He shifted the papers to his left arm to hold out his right hand. "C'mon, you're getting your dress pants all dirty."

Karl took a moment to examine him. His eyes glowed a hazel brown when the light hit them. His hair was black and held up in two little space buns atop his head. Him rolling up his sleeves had been in vain, seeing as they were soaking wet from holding the stack of papers. His bright red tie contrasted heavily with Karl's dark purple tie.

"Well c'mon now, I can't hold my hand out forever!" Karl snapped out of his trance and stood up with the help of the boy. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

"You didn't have to do that, you know. I can just print more music. And now your suit is all wet." Karl looked him up and down, but the other boy only giggled.

"I guess that's true. But my dad always told me that every single piece of music is important. Even if you can just make the same one again, no two pieces are the same. Plus you can't get these just anywhere." The boy bent over and picked up the now scrapped silver medal and held it out to him.

"Besides, I don't think the groundskeepers would like it very much if you filled the fountain with sheet music." Karl let out a short chuckle and wiped a stray tear from his face. "My name is Nick. You're Karl, right?"

"Karl, yeah. And you can pitch the music and keep the medal if you really want it. It's useless anyway..."

"Useless?!" Nick was taken aback. "No award is useless! Second place in any Golden Instrument Competition is amazing! Your performance was so good! You should accompany me some time."

"I...I can't...I could never do that..." Karl held his head down in shame and Nick brought his hand holding the medal down as well. "I'm not good enough of a musician to accompany anyone..."

Nick sighed and placed the stack of soaking wet papers onto the ground. By now, the ink from the papers had bled onto each other, making most of the music illegible. Nick stepped a little closer to Karl. And with Karl's head still hung low, he put the medal around his neck.

"Wear it with pride. It's not every day someone gets the chance to play against the best musicians our age. Let alone almost win." Karl picked his head up and gave Nick a soft smile.

Nick's room had shelves filled with various gold medals and trophies, a few silver and bronze awards every here and there. Karl, when he got more than just a participation certificate, placed only silver, bronze, or lower. All Karl wanted was to win. All Nick wanted to do was play beautiful sounds for all to hear. Nick's pride would not falter when presented with a bronze medal. When Karl was bestowed one, he could almost feel the weight of the world press down on him. It would crack and slowly break every single piano key he touched.


	3. Waltz No. 2

An hour into practicing at home that evening was proving to be for nothing. Every single note, sour or sweet, was nothing but bitter to his ears. The keys of the piano were poison to his fingertips. The notes on the paper jumped out at him, swarming around him like nats, damn near swallowing him whole. Even through the constant buzzing of the notes and bitter-tasting sound, he could hear his mother's daggers of words despite her not being there:

Useless...talentless...disgusting...

He wanted to rip his hair out from just the thoughts alone. He couldn't take it anymore. He swiped the music off the piano and onto the floor, watching it slide across the hardwood. He slammed his elbows into the keys and ran his fingers through his matted hair.

Karl quit playing the piano that day.

\---

Their lives were like oil and water. Nick awoke every morning excited to speak to his mother about his latest and wildest dream over Monday morning blueberry pancakes. Karl would have to drag himself out of bed every morning, utterly dreading even the idea of seeing his mother if she hadn't already left for work.

Karl was the type to sit directly behind the bus driver on the way to and from school to avoid talking to people. But even in a new town on his first day, Nick sat in the very back, making wild conversation with his new schoolmates.

And most notably were their relationships with music. Nick carried his violin around as if it were his child, his pride and joy. It brought smiles to people's faces when he could play their favorite songs off ear. And it gave his mother so much happiness hearing the lovely melodies her son would play. Karl's instrument of force gave him night terrors. He would wake up in a cold sweat thinking about how one day his disappointment and the music notes would drag him down to musical hell. It had only been a day since he gave up the piano, but anytime he even thought of it, it made him sick. On the same side of the coin, it had also been a day since his mother spoke to him.

\---

"Alrighty class!" Karl's teacher always spoke with such excitement and enthusiasm, despite it being a groggy Monday morning. "We have a new student today! Nick, why don't you come up here and introduce yourself to the class?"

Everyone turned to see the new kid towards the back of the class. Karl was surprised, to say the least. He quickly averted his gaze and tucked his head into his arms on his desk. Nick stood up from his desk and strolled to the front of the class.

"Good morning! My name is Nick, I'm from Texas, and, uh, I like to play the violin?" He chuckled as the very tips of his ears turned pink. Every one of the little sixth graders clapped, a few girls whispering among themselves. Karl lifted his head up for a moment but instantly made eye contact with the now "new kid." He mouthed "Hi Karl" with the same wide smile as the other day. Nick casually cruised back to his seat. 

The rest of the morning was nothing special. But Karl did think for a fleeting moment that he would get to speak to the boy again, but Nick was quickly whisked away by all of the other kids wanting to speak to the new kid.

And by recess time, nothing in Karl's life had changed. He gently swung on the rickety swing set in the now abnormally quiet playground. He only decided to get up and go over to the crowd of other students once he saw Nick in the middle of them. Karl scurried across the blacktop over the commotion and behind a few other children.

"Any song requests?" Nick hollered as he was tuning his violin. A bunch of people shouted different songs at him. Nick scanned the crowd to have his eyes land on a short boy in a fuzzy purple sweater. "Karl!" He waved with his bow in his hand. The crowd parted slightly to give Nick a clear view of the boy. Karl scratched the back of his neck as his cheeks turned a dusty rose. Nick nodded at him.

"Umm," He was panicking. Panicking over picking out a stupid song. He glanced down to his violin case, noticing a Mario hat sticker. "That one song from Mario Odyssey? Maybe?" A smile spread across Nick's face.

"You got it!" Nick lifted his violin to rest on his shoulder, chin on the violin. He raised his bow to the strings in preparation for the song. He immediately proceeded to run his bow against the strings, moving his fingers so eloquently to play the tune. The students around him were in awe, never seeing a musician as young and skilled as him. Karl thought that if he could play a song like Jump Up, Superstar that well like it was nothing, his classical pieces must be even more jaw-dropping.

Once he was done, he held his hand with the bow out as he bent over for a bow. The sea of other students roared and cheered. Nick could've played any song, but the genuine smile on Karl's face would've been the same. To be born with such raw and pure talent was something Karl admired. Many other kids continued to shout their favorite songs for him to play, all of which Nick was open to playing. He played his violin until the whistle was blown for lunchtime.

Once everyone was back in class for lunch, everyone was still huddled around Nick. But to Karl's surprise, he pushed through his other classmates to came to the back of the class and stood next to Karl's desk. When Karl looked up, he was shot with that same iconic Nick smile.

"Can I eat lunch with you?" Nick asked.

Such a simple question. Just a yes or no would suffice. His silky black hair was still in those space buns and he wore a white shirt with a flame in the middle over a black long sleeve shirt. Karl felt small even in the other's presence. He knew his answer would change the course of his school day. He didn't know that it would change his life.

"Sure."


	4. 505

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting into more dialgoue pog pog pog

5 Years Later

"Are you sure you don't want anything else for breakfast, Dear?" Nick's mother asked, sipping her tea. A short ding rang through the kitchen as Nick slid by, grabbing 2 strawberry pop tarts out of the toaster.

"Ah, shit!" He dropped the scalding breakfast on the counter and ripped a paper towel off the roll to wrap the pop tarts in.

"Nicholas! Language!"

"Sorry, Momma!" He swiped his violin up off the floor and slid his shoes on. "I'm gonna go pick Karl up, see you after practice. Love you!" And before his mother could even answer, he was out, slamming the door behind him.

He hopped into his car and tossed his violin and bookbag to the backseat and sat the pop tarts into one of the cup holders. He backed out of the driveway and onto the open road and down to Karl's development; a daily routine he had become fond of. The day Nick got his license signified freedom for both Nick and Karl.

By the time Nick pulled up, Karl was already waiting at the end of his driveway. Nick rolled down the passenger window.

"Get in loser, we're goin' to school." Karl chuckled at Nick's morning joke and hopped into the passenger seat. It'd become a signature morning line for Nick ever since Karl forced him to watch Mean Girls.

"Morning to you too. Strawberry today?" Karl picked up one of the warm pop tarts and took a bite out of the corner.

"Here, give me a bite." Nick leaned over with his mouth opened wide and keeping his eyes on the road. Karl laughed.

"What? No! You made one for yourself!"

"Oh come on! I'm driving! Just give me a bite!" Nick playfully whined. Karl rolled his eyes and begrudgingly put a corner of the pastry in Nick's mouth. He hummed and chowed down on the unhealthy breakfast.

"Thank you, Baby." Nick mockingly cooed. Karl made a fake gagging sound.

"Gross. Isn't that your pet name for Alyssa?" Karl wiggled his eyebrow.

"Ew, no!" He laughed. "She's good friends with everyone. And she's a stand partner. To be honest, she probably won't be for much longer. Give me another bite." Karl leaned over to let him take another bite.

"Why not? Did she drop out?"

"Nah, she just hasn't been pulling her weight in ensemble, so she'll probably be pushed to second violin."

"Damn, sounds rough." Nick shrugged.

"Eh, not really. No one really takes ensemble seriously anymore so I'm not that surprised."

"Hey, that's not true. Here." He offered another bite. "Sam takes it seriously, right? And Callahan?"

"Yeah, they do. And a few others too, but it's just not enough. That and..." He trailed off, suddenly feeling nervous to speak.

"And...?" Karl questioned.

"We, uh, don't worry about it."

"Aw, please? What's wrong?" Nick pulled at his collar a little bit.

"One of our underclassmen, we call him Tubbo, is probably gonna quit. He said he wasn't enjoying ensemble anymore..."

"That's it? What's the big deal? You made it sound like somebody died. What instrument does he play?"

"He's our pianist..." Karl was right about someone dying. At least a small piece of him. The air that filled the car was suddenly thicker than before. Nick knew this would happen.

When Karl quit playing the piano, it wasn't just a simple "I don't want to play anymore." Nick would purposefully only talk to Karl outside of the music hall. Even seeing a piano would send Karl into a state of panic, so he kept the boy out of the room as much as possible.

Shortly after they met all those years ago, Nick learned of the horrid truth about Karl and the piano. The way Karl would be deprived of food until after he memorized pieces. How anything other than first place in a competition wasn't good enough and resulted in hours of practice at home. Unannounced to Karl, Nick would still give his everything just to hear him play one note of the piano.

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. You can definitely find someone before the Autumn Showcase though." The rest of the drive was quiet. Suffocatingly so. When Nick parked, all that could be heard was the car turning off. Neither of them remembered who turned the radio station playing the Arctic Monkeys off, but no more music came out. No more light morning banter about pop tarts and Nick's friend. He held his head down.

Karl glanced down at his Apple watch. 6:39.

"Nick, you're gonna be late to practice." Nick turned to him with eyes full of guilt. Karl felt a pinch in his heart.

"Karl, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset, truly."

"No, no, it's not your fault. You know I would try if I could..." Nick shook his head.

"Don't feel responsible, you're not part of the ensemble. And besides, like you said, we can work something out before the showcase if we really try hard enough. I'll probably go to the lunch bulletin and put something up. C'mon, let's get in." Nick unbuckled his seatbelt and opened his door.

"Wait." Karl pinned Nick's wrist to the armrest. He turned to look back at him.

"Yeah?" Karl smiled.

"Good luck during practice today. I can't wait to hear it." They both shared a sweet smile and warm eyes.

"Will do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First song title that's not classical since I couldn't really imagine them listening to classical music in the car lol


	5. The Swan

Although friends, Nick and Karl continued to lead drastically different lives. So much so that (for the third year in a row) at the beginning of the school year, he made Karl sit down with him and map their pathing to get to all their classes on time while seeing each other as much as possible.

Karl had a few close friends in his AP English and history classes, but in comparison to Nick, they were nothing. It seemed as though Nick was a wiz at everything Karl wasn't, like math and the arts. It felt like he had the whole junior class as his wingman, all the music kids too. Nick and Karl barely ever ate lunch together. On the same days as morning ensemble practice (every other morning), he would sit with his ensemble friends and chat about who knows what. Karl would sit with a few friends of his own.

But on days with no practice, he enjoyed his last-minute basic lunches with Nick, typically in a quiet little space like Nick's car or at the bottom of the unused stairwell. From his table, all Karl could do was watch him from afar. Watch how Nick and his music friends joked and laughed without a care in his world.

"Hey, earth to Karl...?" Chris continued waving his hand in front of Karl's face.

"What?" Karl turned his gaze from the boy and back to his inscrutable.

"If you wanna go talk to the music kids, go talk to the music kids."

"C'mon Chris, it's not the music kids, just Nick." Chandler chimed in. Karl rolled his eyes and put them back on Nick. He had been doubled over laughing alongside a few other members of that table. That day, Nick wore a coffee brown sweater and light brown plaid pants paired with his black belt and shoes. Dressed to impress. Some things never change. Karl was still beating himself up for the now awkward air between them because of the exchange in the car that morning. And when the storm of laughter finally halted and Nick wasn't folded over, he looked up and locked gazes with the other.

For Karl, it felt surreal every time. He swore, that day 5 years ago, to abandon the musical world. But the one tie he had to it happened to be the only person he could never imagine his life without.

Nick quickly averted his gaze and whispered over to a friend next to him. The guy nodded and suddenly Nick started walking to Karl's table.

"Oh, here he comes." Jimmy noted. Karl's smile widened when Nick sat down next to him.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Nick took a glance at everyone.

"Nothin' much, what brings you over?" Chris asked. Nick turned to Karl.

"I wanted to ask you something, Karl."

"Yeah?" He blinked. "What's up?"

"Sam reminded me that we have a show Saturday in the gazebo at the park, and I wanted to know if you were down to go." Nick leaned over and gently whispered into his ear. "And I can save you a seat far away enough so you don't see the piano." Nick sat back up and Karl let out an awkward cough.

"N-Nick, I'm not so sure...hearing you play the violin is one thing, but a live piano..." Karl scratched the back of his neck.

"Hey, hey, hey," Nick rested his hand on Karl's shoulder. "if you can't do it, that's okay. I can always play the pieces for you another time." Karl sighed.

"What are you doing Sunday? Can you play for me then?' Guilt suddenly washed over Nick's face. "What? What's wrong with Sunday?"

"Well, actually, uh..." Nick took a panicked glance around Karl's table and noticed all the other guys, not even a part of the conversation, was intrigued. He turned back around to look at his own table.

"I-I think they need me back." Nick stood up. "I'll tell you when I pick you up after school, okay?" Before Karl could even think about responding, he was gone.

"What was that about?" Chandler asked. Karl began fiddling with his fingers in his lap.

Guilt and selfishness only began to describe how he felt. In the time that they had known each other, Karl hadn't been to a single performance or competition Nick was a part of. There was always a piano accompaniment, or he would be afraid of being recognized by other musicians as a failure. He felt guilty that every time Karl congratulated Nick on winning a competition, it was from the parking lot of the venue or on the phone the following evening. He felt selfish for requesting Nick to take time out of his schedule to give Karl a solo performance.

He hated himself for it.

It was just a stupid instrument, why did it have to have so much control over his life?


	6. More Often

Karl finished out the rest of the day anxiously biting his fingernails to pass the time. He was always eager to see Nick at the end of the day and get the chance to rant to him about his often boring day as he drove him home, but today was different. He was desperate to see Nick. What could be so important that he couldn't say it in front of Karl's best friends? So important that he practically ran back to his own table, tail between his legs? Karl patiently waited outside the music room, continuing to pick at his nails.

"Hey, Karl, right?" Karl looked up at the guy in front of him.

"Oh hey, Sam." Sam smiled.

"Waiting for the same guy you're always waiting on?" Karl nodded and they both chuckled. "He might be a minute, I'm not sure though."

"Why? Did something happen?" Sam looked worried.

"You don't know what happened this morning? Don't you guys always come to school together?" Karl only got more confused.

"No...? I mean, yeah we do, but I don't have any classes near the art wing, so I don't really come over here. We see each other in the halls a few times though, I guess. What happened?" Sam sighed and ran a hand through his emerald green hair.

"Our bandmate Tubbo is planning on quitting after this season's showcase." Karl nodded.

"Yeah, he told me that, but he didn't seem too stressed about it."

"Of course he didn't come off as stressed, does he ever?" Sam chuckled, but the mood turned grim. "But seriously, it happened during practice so I guess that's why you didn't know. His pianist called him and told him she's quitting." Karl's every went wide.

"Wait, doesn't he have a competition this weekend? How will he compete without accompaniment?"

"My point exactly. There are a lot more skilled violinists than pianists these days. He's got a little less than a week to find a fill for his competition, but with this, the performance this Saturday, and finding a pianist to replace Tubbo, I'm a little worried about his mental."

"Do you really think he'll find someone in time...?" Sam's concerned face showed.

"As much as I-" Suddenly, the music hall doors swung open and a pair of drumsticks came flying right at the side of Sam's head.

"What the hell are you doing?! The tenors aren't gonna play themselves!" A tall boy with a dirty blond man bun stood hand on his hip before turning and stomping back into the room. Sam doubled over in pain.

"Okay, okay! I can't play if you break my sticks, Dream!" Sam shouted at the already closed doors. Karl bent over and picked up the runaway drumsticks to hand to Sam. He graciously took them as he scratched the side of his head.

"Thanks. As you saw, Dream's not too happy right now." Sam laughed, angelically so.

"I'll leave you to it." Karl giggled. "By the way, why do you guys call him Dream? That's not his real name, right?" Sam shrugged.

"I don't really remember how it came to be. We all have silly nicknames for each other, it's like a bonding thing. I gotta go, but I'll tell Sap that you're waiting for him. Bye!" Sam opened the door and quickly dashed in, probably to escape the wrath of Dream. A few minutes later, the door flung open. In rash excitement, Karl nearly hugged the person who came out. Much to his surprise, it wasn't Nick. A bushy-haired boy left the room practically fuming. But the person that trailed behind him was the one Karl was looking for. He looked over at Karl and sighed.

"Sorry that took so long. I was dealing with some stuff." Karl wanted to ask and push for an answer, but after his conversation with Sam, it didn't seem like the right time.

"All good, I'm not in a rush. How was your day?"

"It was decent, I guess. Awesam and Dream were telling some wicked band stories at lunch today. Kinda wish I was a band kid, to be honest." Nick laughed as he and Karl began walking down the hall towards the parking lot.

"Who's Awesam?"

"Awesam is just Sam."

"Oh, is that his nickname? He was just telling me about them actually." Nick laughed.

"They're stupid, but we all have em. Speak of everyone though," Nick looked over at Karl. He was wearing one of his favorite sweaters, a black one that had "Cherry Bomb" across the front.

"I was wondering if you wanted to sit at my lunch table from now on. I think you'd like everyone. I honestly don't know why I never thought of it sooner." Karl let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"That's it? You're asking if I wanted to sit at your lunch table?" Karl sounded confused. Rightfully so.

"Yes? What? Were you expecting something else?" Karl shook his head.

"Sorry, it's nothing. Sure, I'll sit with you guys, Sam seems nice enough."

"He is. He's such a momma's boy, what else would be expected? I think you'll fit in great. You'll love Dream and Big Q. Probably George as well, but we're always fighting." Even just talking about his friends got Nick riled up and excited to share the hundreds of stories that they all shared together. Nick told a few more stories from lunch, one consisting of the time their friend Big Q was tasked to bring everyone coffee and came back with bunches of bananas instead, as they walked to Nick's car. Karl continued messing with his thumbs as he slid into the passenger seat and Nick started the car.

"Hey, Nick?" Karl swallowed.

"Yeah? What's up?" Nick looked over.

"Has Tubbo quitting been stressing you out?" Nick didn't even notice Karl's use of the nickname. He shrugged.

"I mean yeah, it's stressful, but I can figure it out. Why?" Karl shook his head.

"Nick, that isn't what I asked you. Pullover." Nick seemed shocked.

"What?"

"Drive to the park right there and pull over." Karl pointed to the upcoming park.

"Uh, if that's what you want..." Nick switched lanes and pulled into a spot at the public park. Nick unbuckled his seat belt and turned to look at Karl. "What's wrong?"

"Are you SURE there's nothing else stressing you out...?" Karl shot Nick a desperate look. Nick sighed.

"Who told you?"

"Told me what? Say it." Nick sighed again and ran a hand through his hair.

"About Sylvee..." Karl nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"At lunch, I told you I had something to tell you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but you couldn't tell me that during lunch? Or all the times we see each other in the halls? Why was that such a big deal? Like, yeah it's a big deal, but why not tell me then?" A serious look painted Nick's face. And coming from the guy who never stops his joking antics, it was concerning Karl.

"Karl, I know how you get when I talk about pianos. And I can take my time finding someone to replace Tubbo in ensemble. The showcase isn't for a little while. But finding someone for a competition in less than a week? It's just a lot..." Karl placed a hand on Nick's laying on the armrest.

"You know you can come to me about these things, right? I know pianos are a touchy subject for me, but if you needed someone to talk to, I'm always gonna be here." Nick averted his eyes and stared down at the cup holders with a few stale pop tart crumbs at the bottom.

"Karl, I'll be honest with you." He looked back into Karl's eyes. "I was going to ask you if you'd play in my competition on Sunday."

Karl froze. Immediately, the hand atop of Nick's began to shake and nearly broke into a cold sweat. His mind began to fill with static. His eyes only saw the bronze trophies that used to line the walls of his room. And his ears could only hear the belittling statements from his mother. Even in question of him playing sent him into a state of panic. Nick swept up Karl's hand in his own in an attempt to pull him back into reality.

"Karl, Karl, I'm sorry. I know it was insensitive to ask. I just thought since you mentioned it this morning it- nevermind. Karl, I'm sorry I even brought it up." Karl pulled his hand away and looked down at his shoes.

"I don't wanna talk about this." Karl's voice wavered. "Just take me home. Please." Nick just nodded, starting the car back up and pulling out of the parking lot.

The rest of the car ride was dead silent and eerily similar to the car ride that morning. It wasn't the normal type of car ride silence. The normal kind of silence was where one was focused on the road and the other on a book or scrolling through Instagram. This type of silence that was astronomically loud, practically asking to be broken by some sort of sound. At one point, Nick had asked if Karl wanted the AUX, only getting a head shake in response. The only noise was towards the end of the drive when Nick pulled into Karl's driveway.

"Karl? Look, I-"

"It's fine." He flatly stated. "I'll text you later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try to find songs that fit the mood of the chapter, but when they're all over the place it's kinda hard lol


	7. Snow

Nick: Hey  
Karl: hey  
Karl: sorry, i've been doing history homework  
Karl: what's up  
Nick: I just wanted to check up on you  
Nick: And apologize again for earlier  
Karl: it's okay  
Karl: i know you were just looking for someone to fill  
Karl: i'm sorry.  
Nick: No, it was my fault for even thinking about asking you  
Nick: Are you okay?

you're so damn insensitive|  
i'm still mad at you|  
i have no idea|  
i think so|  
i'm ok|

Karl: i'm okay  
Nick: Do you still want me to pick you up tomorrow?  
Nick: I just bought some birthday cake pop tarts :)  
Karl: lol yeah  
Karl: i swear all those are gonna kill you one day  
Nick: You eat one every morning too ya know  
Karl: yeah yeah yeah

Karl smiled and turned his phone over on his bed. He sighed as he pulled his hoodie strings a little tighter. His house was quiet. Almost too quiet. So much so that it was suffocatingly loud. Nobody had entered the piano room in years, leaving the piano and piles of books to collect dust. Even now in his own bedroom, Karl could hear the taunting notes through the piercing silence. His body shivered and his hands shook at the thought of touching one again.

The conversation between him and Nick that afternoon hadn't left his mind since he stepped out of the car. He was still baffled by the fact Nick asked the guy who couldn't even look at a piano, let alone play one, to play in a competition.

Nick had explained many times why he loved the violin the way he did. Pass the surface level reasons like "I play for my mom" and "I like playing for people!" He described the way the adrenaline coursed through his veins whenever he would play, crowd present or not. How even the sound of him tuning his violin got him excited and eager to play. And even after breaking into a heavy post-performance sweat, he would give the world just to do it again.

Karl wanted that. He longed for that kind of passion. He wanted a mom that just wanted to hear him play. He wanted to make crowds excited when he played. He wanted to feel that excitement; that adrenaline. But instead, his mother demanded that winning be the only thing he thought about when he played the piano. Crowds in theatres that don't shout and cheer, but only give ratings. And after every performance, his mind was only on the prize. Playing music wasn't fun. It was soul-crushing.

The envy towards his best friend was getting to him.

Did he really want to start playing again?

Could he?

\--- 

The rest of the week felt like a dream Karl was just floating through. He couldn't really remember any set of events from the said week. It all passed by in a blur with everyday feeling exactly the same as the last. He never ended up sitting with Nick's friends at lunch. In fact, he didn't even sit with his own friends. He sat in the school's library most days with ham sandwiches and Lay's chips. And anytime Nick asked how he was doing, it was the same old "I'm just tired. I'll be better tomorrow."

Nick seemed more closed off than before come Friday. His demeanor was off. And when Karl walked by the lunch hall, it struck him as odd that he couldn't hear the roars of laughter from the music kid's table.

"Afternoon~" Nick practically sang as he and Karl settled into the car. Karl chuckled and rolled his shoulders back a bit once he set his bag at his feet.

"To you too." He smiled.

"Ready for the weekend? Cuz I'm not gonna lie, I'm beat."

"I mean, who isn't always ready for the weekend? History's got me dead tired." Nick playfully scoffed at him.

"Imagine being a music nerd."

"Hey, girls love guys who can play."

"Playing the violin AND with hearts, huh? Mr. Heartbreaker?"

"Not my fault all the girls want a piece of this." He gestured showing off his outfit. A white collared shirt underneath a baby pink sweater and light brown pants. Karl laughed some more as Nick pulled out of the parking lot.

"Speaking of music," Karl spoke. "Have you found a new partner yet?" Nick sighed, then swallowed. Karl knew what that was. He was trying to hide something.

"It hasn't been going that great. But I'll figure it out like I normally do, ya know? One whole day of looking can be a long time to take advantage of." He smiled and tried to ignore the knot swelling in the back of his throat. Karl's eyes turned concerned.

"There's nobody at school that could help you?" Nick shook his head.

"Not really. Out of the few pianists, none of them can play the piece well enough. I've been going to the academy every day to see if there were any applications."

"And...?" He shook his head.

"Nothing. I even asked some of the instructors but apparently none of the new pupils were good enough either." Karl could feel a weight fall on his shoulders like the other day. He had the power to help, to change the outcome of this awful situation.

But he just couldn't.


	8. Home

Nick never bailed out on giving Karl a ride to school, or anywhere they planned for that matter. Even when he was sick as a dog with the flu, he woke up early to drive Karl to where ever he needed to go. Nick cleaned his car out, wore a surgical mask, and made Karl sit in the back so he wouldn't get sick. So Karl's face twisted into confusion at the message he got the Monday morning following Nick's competition.

Nick: Hey, I can't give you a ride today, sorry  
Nick: Do you need me to call you a Lyft?  
Karl: no i can get there on my own  
Karl: are you okay?  
Karl: did something happen?  
Nick: Not really  
Nick: I'll catch you later though

The last they texted before the morning was when Karl sent a good luck text to Nick before the competition. He got left on read. Even when Karl got to school he felt awkward. Nick was nowhere in sight. Karl stood outside of the music hall doors after ensemble practice in hopes to see him walk out. But to his disappointment, when the doors opened and students began to spill out, there was still no sign of him. Two boys were mid-conversation before they noticed him.

"Oh come on. Tell me that..." He turned and looked at Karl. "Hey, aren't you friends with Sapnap?" Karl nodded. The guy in the light green hoodie held his hand out.

"I've seen you around a few times but I don't think I've introduced myself. Name's Clay. And that's George." Karl nodded and shook his hand.

"Karl."

"Do you know where Sapnap is? He didn't show up to practice this morning and he's not answering his phone. To be honest, if it was anyone else it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But it's really unlike him..."

"I have no idea either. He didn't drive me this morning. Maybe he didn't place that high yesterday? But he normally doesn't care about standings that much." Clay chuckled and grabbed George's hand before he turned and began walking away.

"Why would he care about placings in a competition he never went to?"

Karl's heart sunk. He leaned against the wall next to the doors and tried to pull himself together. Karl thought of all the times Nick said he could handle it. Nick couldn't find a pianist to play with him. He thought about Nick reading his message. Nick never went to the competition. He thought about the rest of the conversation that morning. Nick was distraught and Karl didn't even know. He turned to look at the music hall doors. A weird sensation consumed him, like the tingles when your foot would fall asleep, but spread across his entire body, making every waking moment painful. His hands shook as he slowly opened the door into the hall.

When he opened it, he finally saw the room Nick would spend countless hours in. He let the doors close behind him. There was a short conductor's podium surrounded by a half-circle of chairs and music stands. Behind the podium were a few closed-off practice rooms with a chair and a music stand in each. Karl remembered when Nick told him he hated the practice rooms.

"What's the point in being with so many other musicians if they can't hear you?"

To Karl's left was a wall lined with instrument lockers filled with a variety of different instruments. Along the side of the farthest wall is where it was. Karl's nightmare in physical form. Every step closer to it felt like he was walking on top of hot sewing needles. His knees nearly gave out. His hands trembled as he began to remove the silk piano cover. It made a quiet dropping sound when he sat it on the floor.

He ran his fingers along the cold black laminated wood. He sat down on the piano stool, rapidly bouncing his heels. He attempted to rest his fingers on the keys, but it felt like some invisible force was pushing him away from even trying to make a sound. He pushed and forced his finger down on a key and let the sound echo in his ears. A sound he used to love so dearly, but-

"Karl?" A hand touched his shoulder. Karl frantically whipped his head around. The guy held his hands up in surprise. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya. Do you play piano?" Karl let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Yes. Well, no. Not anymore at least. And you are...?"

"Alex. I play guitar in ensemble. Sapnap talks about you a lot but I never got the chance to talk to you." 

"Right. What're you doing here?" Alex held up a pair of drumsticks and a gray practice pad.

"Needed to pick this up for Sam, but I should be asking you that. What made you wanna play piano right before class started?" Karl glanced down at his Apple watch.

"Dang, you're right." Karl stood up in a haste and adjusted his backpack straps. "Catch you later, Alex."

"W-Wait!" Alex reached into his bag and pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil. He scribbled something on it, folded it up, and handed it to Karl. 

"My phone number. Nick mentioned that we'd get along well. Text me." He winked and walked beside Karl whilst having light-hearted banter on their way to class. Once he and Karl split up, Alex pulled out his phone.

Alex: Dream  
Alex: Did you know Sapnap's friend knows how to play piano?  
Dream: Really?  
Dream: Did he audition?  
Alex: Do you think we'd be struggling to find a replacement if he did?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 80 kudos in a week? y'all are too good to me T^T


	9. Arabesque No. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is confused, only the members of ensemble use nicknames for each other (ex. To Karl it's Clay, to Nick it Dream)

"The one day I take off and you lovebirds show up at my house?" Sapnap laughed. He smiled at his friends that came to visit him after school. Dream rolled his eyes and held George's hand a little tighter.

"Be grateful we aren't Bad or Skeppy, alright?" George chimed in.

"Oh, thank god. I don't need marriage counseling held in my house." They all let out a burst of laughter. "Since you're already here, come on in." Sapnap opened the front door a little wider to let them in.

"Dude, we gotta talk." Dream said in a serious tone as he and George slid their shoes off. They all walked to his living room and plopped down on the long couch. Sapnap settled into the corner of the L shape.

"About what? Something happen today?" Dream scoffed at his answer.

"'Something'? Yeah, Mr. Always Wanting Perfect Attendance didn't show up today."

"I texted the group chat. I was just feeling a little under the weather."

"Anyways," Clay untied his dirty blond hair from the low bun it was in and ran a hand through it. "your friend. The one with the colorful sweatshirts?" Sapnap swallowed.

"Karl. What about him?"

"He plays piano?" Sapnap felt a twinge in his heart. Like someone was pinching his arteries for the hell of it.

"Uh, sorta. Why? Is that all you came here for?" George and Clay exchanged the same unreadable expression. Almost on the border of worry.

"Sapnap. Did you compete yesterday?" He felt another pull at his heart after George's question. The room went quiet, making the heater sound like a bulldozer in comparison.

"I'll take the silence as a no..."

"Your best friend outside of ensemble is a pianist. Did you ever even bother asking him to fill for you yesterday? Or to replace Tubbo. Do you know how much this means-" 

"Stop!" Sapnap stood up in a rage, shocking his friends. "Quit acting like you know him or that you know everything! You don't think I fucking tried to find a replacement for Tubbo? You don't think I'm trying?! Karl can play the piano, who gives a fuck? Why's that a big deal?" Dream also suddenly stood up.

"'The big deal' is that the ensemble is gonna fall apart! People aren't joining, members don't care anymore, and Tubbo is quitting! You keep saying that you'll handle everything and you can't! Do you just not trust your members anymore? Not trust your friends?" The room grew quiet once again. Sapnap avoided eye contact with Dream, but that was enough of an answer. Dream took in a deep breath and turned to leave. 

"Oh yeah, like I could trust either of you for shit!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Dream shoved Sapnap's shoulder.

"You're too busy doin' each other all the damn time to pay attention to anything."

"The hell?" Sapnap fell to the ground after Dream pushed him again. "Who's the one that organizes showcases? Gets sponsors for em? Stays behind to help underclassmen? Isn't always late for practices? Cuz it's for sure as hell not you! You think you do all this shit yourself and you don't! At least give credit where credit is due. C'mon George. I've heard enough. Helped him all these years just for him to say he doesn't trust us. What a dick." 

George got up and followed Dream to the door. He turned around for a brief moment to catch a fleeting look at Sapnap. He held his head low as Nick stood in the middle of his living room. As Dream was getting ready to pull out of Nick's driveway, they spotted a short boy wearing a colorful sweatshirt.

"That's his friend." George was looking into the side view mirror when he saw him. "Should we talk to him?"

"George, really? He's the last person I would wanna speak with right now." Clay turned the radio up louder and pulled off into the street.

Karl ignored the car leaving Nick's driveway and instead focused on walking up to his front door. From the time Nick moved from Texas to North Carolina, he had lived in the same house. The house filled with some of Karl's earliest happiest memories.

\---

Nick and Karl stared up at the ceiling as they laid on Nick's bed and waited for Karl's mother to pick him up. Nick sighed.

"What's wrong?" Karl questioned.

"When you leave, I'll have to go to violin practice." He sighed again. "I wish I could play piano like you, Karl. That'd be so cool."

"I don't think you'd like it. It's not very fun. What's wrong with playing the violin?" Nick shook his head without breaking eye contact with the ceiling.

"Nothing's wrong with it, the piano is just cooler. My dad traveled the world playing the piano before he passed away. I think that's why my momma won't let me play it. It makes her sad. It makes me a little sad too. But my violin music makes us both happy, so I guess it's okay." Nick finally turned over to look at Karl. "And your playing makes me happy, Karl! I can't wait to hear it again!"

It had been four days since the competition Karl landed second in. Four days since the notes began to eat him alive. Four days since he decided to stop playing. But Karl didn't have the heart to tell him he couldn't play anymore. Not when his only friend was looking forward to his next performance, just for it to never happen. He even thought about breaking a few fingers just to have an excuse as to why he wasn't playing.

"What's your favorite classical song? Maybe I'll play it for you sometime." Nick shot straight up with wide eyes.

"Arabesque Number Two! It's such a happy song!" Karl chuckled and sat up next to him.

"I'll think about it."


	10. One Summer's Day

Karl snapped out of his recollection of childhood memories with Nick and gained the courage to ring his doorbell. He had been to Nick's house countless times before, but it felt so different now. He took deep breath after deep breath while he waited for someone to answer the door. His mother's car wasn't in the driveway and the garage door was closed. Maybe he wasn't home? But where else would he be?

The door slowly began to crack open to reveal a tired-eyed Nick behind it.

"Nick?"

"Karl, what are you doing here?"

"It wasn't like you to miss school, so I wanted to check on you. Your mom still at work?" Nick nodded.

"Yeah. How'd you know I was here? I parked my car in the garage."

"Where else would you be? Can I come in?" Nick nodded again. Karl stepped inside, taking his shoes off and setting his bag next to them.

"Is my Arizona still here?"

"Yes, back of the fridge. You're lucky my mom didn't throw it away. You know how she is about that kind of crap." Nick let out a small laugh.

"Awesome!" Karl practically skipped to the kitchen to pull out the ninety-nine-cent can of tea from the refrigerator and opening it up with a satisfying pop. Karl sat on top of the island in the middle of the kitchen with Nick following his actions and sitting beside him.

"So how was your day?" Nick asked. Karl let out a breath.

"I don't really know. Most of it was a blur. You? How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I guess. I slept most of the day. Some friends came to visit me though." Nick wished he had just held his tongue. Why did he need to bring that up to Karl of all people when all George and Clay were talking was him?

"Now that you mention it, I did see a car backing out when I was walking up. Who were they?"

"Dream and George. Percussionist and flue player."

"What'd you guys chat about?" Nick sighed. "Oh? What happened?"

"I-I don't know if I really wanna go into detail. But they did bring something up when they came over today."

"Really? What?"

"They asked me if you played piano." Karl's blood ran cold. He didn't know how to respond. He clenched the can of Arizona in his hand.

"O-Oh. Really? How did they know?" Nick shrugged.

"I don't know. They didn't say. Maybe they came across your name in performances years ago." The crunching sound of Karl's can only got louder as his nerves worked faster.

"Y-Y-Yeah, how strange, right?" His words felt like poison to himself. He had been so against the idea of ever even touching a piano again. But after seeing how Nick needed him and he wasn't there, he wanted to change. How would that make Nick feel? What would he think? Would he think Karl wouldn't actually be able to play again?

"Look, Nick," Karl looked up from his can and into Nick's eyes. They were dark brown as ever and the glint in them never faded despite the bags underneath them. He admired the way his hair was being held out of his face with a white bandana wrapped around his forehead. He reached over and pulled the bandana off of him and watched as his locks fell to his shoulders.

"Your hair's getting really long." Karl sat the bandana on the counter next to them and started running his fingers through his. He sighed. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I know you really needed someone to fill in as your accompaniment, and I know how much that competition meant-"

"Karl, it's okay. It was foolish of me to ask. And besides, it was just one competition. I can go to dozens more later on."

"Was this your idea of 'handling it'?" Karl pulled his hand out of Nick's hair.

"W-What?"

"Nick, I wasn't born yesterday. Nor did I meet you yesterday either. You don't care about standings in competitions. You care about being in them. And I'm disappointed in the fact you thought I would buy your lousy excuses. You skip out on something you love and then you're magically 'sick' the next day?" Karl lowered his voice just above a whisper.

"And don't act like I didn't know that competition was the annual Golden Violin. Clearly not the juniors anymore, but that's even more of a reason you should've competed. You haven't missed one of those since we met." 

"You know how stupid I would've looked if I was the only one without a pianist? I wouldn't get anywhere near first place." Karl rolled his eyes.

"You don't care about appearances and you for damn sure don't care about placings. Nice try though." Nick threw his hands up in defeat.

"Fine, fine. Ya caught me. How're you so good?"

"Real question is 'how are you so bad?'" Karl chuckled and took another sip from his tea. "If you were gonna lie to me, you could've at least made it a better lie than that shit."

"Okay, okay, let's just drop it. Golden Instrument competitions just mean a lot to me, y'know? It's where I met my best friend." Nick hit his shoulder against Karl's.

They spent the next hour sitting on the kitchen island chatting about anything under the sun, including some of Nick's wild dreams about ensemble he had and Karl attentively listened as he sipped his tea. And for a few moments, and a few moments only, it felt like nothing else mattered.

But just how Karl knew Nick, Nick knew Karl. And when he noticed every time he mentioned the music hall, Karl would tense up or his hands would begin to tremble. The way Karl would nervously sweep his hair back at the mention of Alex struck him as odd as well. And he didn't know how to feel when Karl and Alex started to hang out the rest of that school week, even going as far as eating lunch together.


	11. Mystery of Love

Alex: Heyyyyyy  
Karl: cat break your screen again?  
Alex: Lol no  
Alex: Just thought I'd text  
Karl: what's up?  
Alex: I was wondering if you wanted to hang out after school tomorrow?  
Karl: and do what?  
Alex: Idk  
Alex: I figured we could come up with something on the fly  
Alex: You down?

"You what?" Karl stood next to Nick as he grabbed a few folders for his locker.

"I'm gonna hang out with somebody today, so you don't need to drive me home." He closed his locker. "That's okay, right?"

"Yeah, of course. You don't have to ask me that kind of stuff. I'm not your momma or something. It's just, uh, not something I would've expected."

"What? What do you mean?"

"You hanging out with people other than me or your history crew! A-Am I being r-replaced?" Nick pouted and let out little fake sobs.

"Oh my god, you are so fake! I'll text you when I get home. Drive safe!" Karl shoved him and laughed. Nick felt an odd sense of relief. He was happy for Karl, truly. The fact that he started to ever so slightly leave his circle, one person at a time, made him ecstatic. But all the times Karl was too caught up in texting someone to give Nick the light of day was getting to him.

He walked over to where the senior lockers were and waved to the guy in a tropical shirt and LAFD beanie.

"Karl!" He beamed.

"Hey, Alex! Ready to go?" He nodded and both walked out to the parking lot.

"Decided where we're going?" Alex nodded. "Where?"

"I was thinking that little cafe on south side. But if there's anywhere you really wanna go, feel free to shout. Didn't you say you liked Bath and Body Works?" Karl rolled his eyes.

"Oh man, like, a year ago. A girl I like worked there." They both settled into Alex's car.

"I'm assuming it didn't work out?"

"What, I don't look like a total catch to you?"

"Little quiet guy in Goodwill sweaters? Not exactly a chick magnet, I think. But maybe you can prove me wrong?" Alex rested his hand on Karl's knee and shocked him a wink. Karl rolled his eyes and brushed Alex's hand off.

"Who said it had to be a chick? And you're gonna make me think you have eye problems with all the times you wink at me." Karl's let began to shake.

"Oh? Guess that makes two of us." Alex held up his phone for a moment. Clear case with a polaroid of his cat on the inside. Karl's nerves eased. There was a short period of time where their friendly banter halted and they listened to whatever was on the radio.

"H-Hey, so, I've never really told anyone. Well, a few people, but-"

"I got it. I'll keep it on the down-low, you can trust me." Alex sighed. "To be honest, I never really understood closet cases. It's just foreign to me, I guess."

"What do you mean? I'm not that much of a closet case." Alex giggled.

"If you don't count my gaydar going off before you told me, then sure. But I don't know. I've never been around people that would care about who I do no matter what way I swing. And I don't really care what others think. But hey," He shrugged. "that might just be me."

"I don't know either. I was just nervous people wouldn't see me the same way. Other than some friends, I haven't told anyone."

"Not even Sapnap?"

"Not even Nick, no."

"He's like, the last person to ever care about that kind of shit. Hell, half of the music kids are gay if we're being honest." They both laughed.

"Guess you're right about that. I'm just not ready to risk it yet."

"Hey, take your time. You've got your whole life to be out and proud as whatever you are." Karl didn't even notice that Alex had parked and turned the car off. "Now, out. And I'm paying."

Karl didn't feel like protesting. Within just a week of knowing Alex, he had already come out to him and come to the realization that maybe stubbornness was a music kid thing. Alex asked him to find a booth and settle down so he could get their drinks. Karl found a booth towards the back of the cafe and sat down with his bag next to him. A few minutes later, Alex came back to him and sat a tray with two coffees and two pieces of cake on it.

"I don't know if you've ever had their strawberry cake, but it slaps." Karl removed his coffee from the tray, took a sip, and slid his slice of cake towards himself as well.

"So, why'd you wanna hang out today?" Alex shrugged at him.

"Dunno. Why not? Hanging out with people outside of the ensemble and band is a breath of fresh air I needed. And you never shut up about history, so I figured you could use a break from something too."

"Hey!" Karl exclaimed with cheeks full of the strawberry cake. "I like history, thank you very much."

"If you like being up to your neck in reading about a bunch of dead guys then maybe we need to find you some new hobbies." Alex licked some icing off his fork.

"Don't you guys play music composed by a bunch of dead guys?"

"Hey, not me. You won't catch me dead playing that stuff. The orchestra kids can have that. Classical puts me to sleep big time."

"Hey, speaking of music though," Karl opened his bag, grabbed a yellow paper folder out, and slid it across the table. Alex's eyes furrowed.

"For me?"

"Not exactly. Just look through it." Alex opened the folder and skimmed over a few papers with confused eyes. It took a few more minutes of reading and skimming through the papers and certificates for him to understand.

"No way..."

"Yeah. Way."

"You said you played piano, but this isn't playing." He had taken out a few certificates and laid them on the table. "This is being a musical prodigy in the making. The last award was from years ago. Did you stop playing?" Karl nodded.

"Can I trust you with something? It's a little bigger than 'Hey, I like guys.'"

"Yes, of course. What is it?"

The tears constantly threatened to fall, and eventually, they did. The words and stories that left Karl's mouth to Alex's ears made them both mourn for who Karl was back then; a young tortured soul. He told him how he started and why he stopped. He told him how weak and helpless he felt against a mere instrument. And he told him how Nick was his rock when the water on the shore rose too high. Some time in the middle of the conversation (or vent), Alex had migrated to sitting shoulder to shoulder with him, wiping tears from his face every so often and offering a few sips of his coffee to clear his throat.

"Karl. I'm so sorry. I'm here for you. And I'm sorry if this'll sound insensitive, but why are you telling me this? I mean, thank you for trusting me, but why?" Alex's tone was a mix of concern and curiosity. Karl paused before he responded.

"Alex. I want to play the piano again. I don't want to live in fear anymore. I've found a new purpose to play that isn't motivated by the need to succeed. But, for now, it has to stay a secret from the rest of the ensemble; especially Nick."

"Of course, a thousand percent. We move at our own paces. Just let me know if you need anything, alright?" Karl leaned a little more into Alex and laid his head on his chest. Their desserts were half-eaten and their coffee was stale. The minimum wage barista was probably wondering why she heard so much crying but was too caught up in her work and too nervous to ask. Alex placed a gentle kiss on the top of Karl's head and held him just a little bit tighter, scared that if he were to let go, Karl would shatter into a million pieces and never be put back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was by far my favorite one to write :)
> 
> as a queer man, i wanted to write my take on coming out. gay men have been fetishized way too much in fanfictions, so i wanted to have some good representation of healthy bi/gay young men. i also really wanted to highlight the fact that (especially to other queer people reading) that coming out doesn't have to be some grand event for it to be valid, and that no two people have the same coming out experience <3
> 
> you are valid :D
> 
> p.s. feel free to interpret that head kiss as romantic or platonic, pick your poison


	12. Dreamy Night

Karl paced the halls of his house with the conversation he had with Alex the night prior playing on repeat in his head;

"-and my friend is still friends with her! I kinda wanna know if she remembers me..." Alex laughed.

"Do you really want the girl that you made cry to remember you?"

"Fair enough." Alex ran a hand through his hair. "Hey, what're you still doing up?"

"It's literally only-" He tapped the screen of his charging apple watch next to him. "one. And it's a Saturday!"

"Yeah but you have an old soul. Those need to be asleep at the latest nine."

"'Old soul,' I can't believe you." Karl joked.

"You're only denying it because it's true, old man."

"Shut up!" Karl covered his flushed face with his hand. "I can't wait for the weekend to be over already."

"What? Who the hell says that? Are you now a crazy old soul?"

"It gets boring on the weekends and there's nothing to do!"

"There's gotta be some stuff you do. C'mon, name a few things."

"Reading. But I need to go to the bookstore. And I like hanging out with Nick, but he always has performances and competitions on the weekends. And-"

"Alright, alright, I've heard enough. Just hearing that made me sad enough. You read dusty books and you're best friends with a stuck-up violinist."

"Rude. Nick isn't stuck up...all the time..." Karl playfully scoffed.

"New idea. Ready?"

"Hit me."

"I think we should start with our plan from yesterday." Karl tensed up a bit.

"What do you mean?"

"Karl, we can't kill your demons if they're a step ahead. You don't have plans tomorrow right?"

"Correct."

"Do you have a piano in your house?" Karl swallowed.

"Yes. But no one has gone in that room for years."

"Wanna start there? You said it's hard for you to see them, so we won't jump right into playing. How about tomorrow around fiveish I come over and help you clean your piano room? Sound like a plan?" 

Karl wanted to bite his tongue completely off and never utter another word. Deep down he knew what Alex was doing was meant to help him and that it would help him. But he wasn't ready to face that. Living in fear meant taking refuge within a little bubble in his head. But it was safe there and he was content. He knew losing his fear and keeping that safe space couldn't both happen.

"Karl? You still there?"

"Y-Yeah. Five sounds good."

"Awesome. You said you like monster, what's your favorite flavor?"

When the doorbell finally did ring, Karl was knocked out of his memory and bolted for the door. Upon opening it, he was greeted with a wide smiled Alex holding a can of white monster.

"Afternoon."

"Hey to you too. Shoes go over there, then I'll show you to the room." Karl's heart was beating faster than before, and he couldn't exactly tell why. Maybe a combination of the horrors he'd set out to conquer or the fact that, other than Nick, he'd never had any other friends over to his house.

Karl led Alex to the door that held his nightmare behind it. Next to the door were some cleaning supplies he had left there soon after their phone conversation the night prior. Alex slowly opened the door and Karl stood there holding his breath. He was presented with the room that held dust atop abandoned books and folders that harbored nightmare fuel. Karl only let out said breath when Alex placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Grey dust particles danced through the air. Opened boxes full of awards and certificates lined the shelves against the walls. Piles of books littered the floor, some laid on top of the grand piano in the middle of the room. 

"You ready?" Alex asked. He exchanged a look of determination with Karl and immediately got to work.

The dust was suffocating. Almost as much of the aura of the room itself. Karl continued to dust off book after books as Alex opened the window for some fresh air. Alex also grabbed some books and tapped them against each other out the window, watched dust cascade to the ground, and placed them back on their respective shelves.

"What were all these books for?" Alex mumbled to himself.

"I had to learn about the composers too. Supposedly it helps you play the piece as they would." They continued to clean. Wiping down the baseboards, reorganizing papers, and sweeping and wiping the floor.

Finally, the daunting part. Alex held the pack of alcohol wipes out to him. Karl pulled a wipe out and shuffled over to the piano. The whole thing was caked in a thick layer of dust that gave the instrument a meek gray coat.

"You'll never be enough." The voice in his head whispered to him.

Karl doubled over and slammed his hands onto the keys, creating an ungodly noise. Alex immediately ran to his side and wrapped his arms around Karl. The voice rang throughout his skull. Notes swarmed around his head like nats. He picked his head up from Alex's shoulder and stared at the pieces of sheet music propped up on the piano. The bars and notes formed into a monster that threatened to swallow him whole. He buried his head back into Alex's shoulder and gripped on tighter to the back of his shirt. 

Alex slowly bent down until they were both sat on the hardwood floor. He quietly hushed Karl and rubbed circles into his back as he sobbed. Tears soaked Alex's shirt as the sun began to set. Neither of them noticed nor cared when Karl’s phone continuously rang.

After some time, (to Karl) the sound of the nats subsided and faded into normalcy. Alex gently pushed Karl off and wiped away some of his tears with his thumb. 

"I-I'm sorry. You really didn't have to do this." Alex shook his head.

"I said I'd be here for you, didn't I?" Karl nodded. "That includes all the moments leading up to you being able to play."

"Thank you." 

They smiled at each other in silence. Alex swiped a piece of hair from Karl's face as his focus flickered from Karl's eyes to his lips. He brought his hand back up to rest on Karl's cheek and leaned in a little closer. He locked eye contact as he slowly leaned in and let his warm breath fan over Karl's lips. Alex closed his eyes and softly kissed him. He slowly pulled back and adjusted his beanie. Karl held his hand over his mouth.

"Sorry, I- I should've asked first. I just thought- I- Sorry." Alex hastily stood up as both of them continued to blush a rosy pink. "I'll catch you later."

He scurried out of the piano room and speed walked to his car, all before Karl could even respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quackity was originally gonna be a very minor character, but i wanted to spice things up >:)
> 
> excuse me while i edit my entire rough draft :,)


	13. All My Dogs

Nick slammed his violin case close and fumbled with the latches until they clicked shut. His bronze medal dangled from his neck. He pulled his phone from his pant pocket and continuously called Karl. A few unanswered calls later, he gave up. He flinched and whipped around when he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind.

"Woah, you alright there, kid?" She tucked a piece of silky black hair behind her ear.

"Sorry, Momma." Nick scratched the back of his neck. "Just a little worked up, I think. Probably just need to sleep it off."

"Isn't it a little early for that? I would offer the traditional post-competition ice cream, but the shop is always super busy around now on Saturdays. That and I think you have some company waiting.

"Company?" Nick asked. His mother pointed to something behind him. Or someone rather. Nick turned around to see a tall blond man with his hand resting in the pocket of his letterman jacket. Nick felt dread as he started walking towards them.

"Good evening, Mrs. Armstrong." He greeted her.

"Oh, no need to be formal, Clay. How have you been? Is everything with your band running smooth?"

"Yes!" He smiled. "We'll probably do another performance soon."

"Oh, our piano studio would be happy to provide a venue. You know how to reach me if you're interested."

"Thank you, Mrs. Armstrong. Are you and Nick busy right now?" Clay glanced over at him.

"I've got a few things to take care of at home, you boys have fun. Nick, I'll transfer some dinner money to your card when I leave. Call me if you need a ride home or anything." She kissed Nick on the cheek and he playfully wiped it away. Once the clicking of her heels completely faded, Clay dropped his cheerfulness. Nick sighed.

"What're you doing here?" Nick began speed walking through the door out of the backstage hall and was on his way out of the front doors with Clay trying to keep up.

"Well, I just watched a bunch of people take turns playing violin. But this one guy looked like he was attempting to strangle his. Couldn't really tell which."

"Alright, smartass, what do you want?" Clay harshly turned Nick around.

"What the fuck else would I be doing here? Don't act like you weren't in the wrong the other day, yet I'm here, coming to you first because you can't drop the pride. Again." Clay walked over to his car and waved Nick over. "Throw your violin in the back. You can think of your apology over a burrito and a joint."

Both Nick and Clay sat on top of the hood of Clay's car in the back of the Chipotle parking lot. The cool autumn wind blew and the only sound around was their quiet chewing and the clicking of Clay's lighter every time the wind blew the light out. He took a hit from the joint before he passed it to Nick. He coughed as he exhaled the smoke from his lungs and took a swig from his can of tea.

"Relax, the joint's not going anywhere." Clay chuckled and took a bite of his burrito. Nick sighed.

"I'm sorry about Monday. I was a dick, I know."

"Took you a while to even speak to me and George. And I think you mean you are a dick. I don't see that changing any time soon." Nick sighed again and took another hit before handing it back.

"It was stupid of me for thinking I could do everything on my own. I trust you, honestly. You and George and everyone else in ensemble too. I just had my head shoved up pride's ass too far to see you guys do the behind-the-scenes stuff. I thought that I could do it all."

"Oh yeah?" Clay took a puff. "And how'd that work out for you?" He exhaled.

"I'm coming up with a shitty apology on the fly while getting high and on top of your car, what do you think?" There was a moment of silence.

"What's the deal with that Karl kid? The one you're always around, you guys together or what?" Nick looked at him.

"C'mon, you know I'm not into that." Clay threw his hand with the half-burned joint up into the air.

"Hey, I didn't wanna assume. I thought just like you until I met George."

"Yeah, and I'd bet he'd have your head on a spike if he found out you still smoke. Wasn't there a no dating bandmates policy in your band anyway?" Clay chuckled.

"Since I'm your plug I suggest you keep quiet. And when it comes to the band rules, let's just say I'm above the law." They both laughed. "But seriously though, why didn't you tell us about Karl?"

"Not my business. He knew we were looking and he chose not to audition. It's none of our business to question why. How'd you guys know he played in the first place? He hasn't played in years." Clay scratched the back of his neck.

"Yeah, I didn't mean to sound like a prick asking about Karl the other day. You got me all worked up with the shit you pulled. Quackity texted me about it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Karl- wait. How did Quackity know?" Clay shrugged. He pulled out his phone and held open the messages exchanged between him and Quackity. Nick rolled his eyes.

"It's whatever, he doesn't play anymore. He quit a long time ago."

"Real bummer. But I'm not here to hear his sob story." Clay placed his hand on Nick's shoulder. "And I'm not just here for your apology either."

"What?" Nick furrowed his eyebrows.

"Don't 'what' me. What was that performance, bro? Were you trying to play the violin or murder it?" He shoved Clay's hand off.

"I was just off my game. I'll be better next weekend. I'll probably practice a little more this week than before."

"How much practice does a prodigy really need, Nick?" He was taken aback by Clay using his real name. He knew he was serious. "That back there wasn't like you. And you weren't yourself the other day either. You can talk to me, what's going on with you?"

"I-I don't wanna talk about it now. I-I've had too much to smoke." Clay shot him an unsatisfied look.

"It takes way more than half a blunt to get you zooted, shut the fuck up with the excuses." Clay handed him the last bit of the joint. He took the last drag and threw the end onto the pavement.

"Karl and Quackity have been hanging out a lot recently."

"Okay, and?"

"It's just...weird. Karl has other friends, yeah, but he's really close with Quackity now." Clay laughed and Nick looked over.

"You are down bad, dude. And you claim you're straight. I don't know which is worse. If you and Karl are as close as you guys look, I wouldn't worry. Let the kid branch out, meet other people. I would get bored if my only friend was a stuck-up prick too." Nick shoved his shoulder. They both laughed.

"Thanks for keeping it real with me, man."

"What else and I here for? Stop worrying about Karl so much, you've got other shit to think about in the meantime."

"Like?"

"Like showering at my place so you don't smell like weed when you go back home."


	14. Line Without a Hook

Alex haphazardly slipped his shoes on and slammed Karl's front door behind him. He scurried to his car and plopped down in the driver's seat. He tossed his beanie to the passenger seat and frantically combed his fingers through his hair. He rested his forehead against the top of the steering wheel.

"Fuck..." He whispered to himself. He jolted upright when he heard his phone go off. When he pulled it out of his pocket, he hesitantly slid to answer.

"Hey. Look up." Alex leaned forward a little to see Karl stood behind his bedroom window. He waved and Alex nervously waved back.

"Hey. Sorry again. I got carried away." Alex looked up and tried to maintain eye contact with him.

"It's...It's fine." There was a pause in the conversation. All Alex heard over the line was the quiet buzzing of Karl's fan.

"Alex, I think I like Nick." Alex bit his lip.

"I figured as much."

"How can you tell?"

"Hunch, I guess. Was kinda hoping I was wrong though."

"Sorry..."

"Nothing to be sorry about, Karl. I shouldn't've come onto you like that. I misread signals, that's on me." There was another long pause. From what Alex could see, Karl was now trying to look around at everything in his room as to not look at Alex.

"So...what does that make us now?"

"It makes us two friends with a simple misunderstanding." Karl put his eyes back on Alex. "Now I just have two things to help you with"

"Two?" Karl raised an eyebrow.

"We gotta get you back to playing AND we gotta teach you to play hard to get. Guys LOVE hard to get." Karl blushed.

"Nick is way too dense for hard to get, trust me."

"Have you tried?"

"W-Well no, but-"

"No but nothing. If you like him, you like him. And I'll make sure he likes you back. Is that all you called me for? You're so damn dramatic. This feels like a scene out of a shitty fanfic, you could've just come outside you know." Alex smiled and Karl rolled his eyes.

"Me? The dramatic one? Who's the one that just ran out of my house after kissing me?"

"Touche."

"And Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"That was my first kiss..."

Karl had been laying down on his bed and staring up at his ceiling ever since Alex left, just thinking. He felt that kind of tiredness and fatigue that sleep couldn't fix. The feeling of being in that piano room and everything that happened with Alex still had him feeling awkward. It was his first kiss. He felt conflicted with himself. He knew he liked Nick, but never put words to it until someone else came onto him. And with his newly labeled feelings towards Nick, Karl didn't know how to act around him. But he didn't entirely hate the way Alex made him feel. In fact, he liked it. It was comforting like the way he felt around Nick, but it was so different. And he was grateful that what happened wouldn't affect their friendship. He only stopped his thoughts when his phone buzzed.

Alex: Are you busy Tuesdays and Thursdays?  
Alex: Since there's no ensemble on those days, we can use the piano  
Karl: no, that sounds good  
Karl: would you mind giving me a ride?  
Alex: Sure  
Alex: Don't you normally go with your manz?  
Karl: my manz??  
Alex: Yeah! Sapnap!  
Karl: omg you're rediculous  
Karl: anyways, i don't know  
Karl: normally i do  
Karl: i don't wanna seem awkward around him  
Karl: so you need to help me get over that  
Alex: Roger that  
Alex: I'll be there around seven

Karl: hey, how were your practices this weekend?  
Nick: Had a competition today  
Karl: how'd it go?  
Nick: Tbh not great  
Nick: Night was fun though  
Nick: Hung out with Dream  
Nick: You? Nose in a dusty old book again?  
Karl: the dusty old book you're talking about is a collection of h.p. lovecraft's works, tyvm  
Karl: and no  
Karl: alex just left  
Nick: Alex? He was at your house?  
Karl: yeah we were just hanging out  
Karl: speaking of which  
Karl: he's gonna be giving me rides to school tuesdays and thursdays and from school every day from now on  
Karl: you can sleep in a little bit now lol  
Nick: You know I don't mind driving you, right?  
Nick: What about our morning pop tarts?  
Karl: sorry  
Karl: i just wanna get to know him better  
Karl: and it's not every day  
Nick: Yeah I get it  
Nick: I'm pretty beat, I'm gonna get to sleep


	15. Fur Elise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because i changed the final version from my draft so much, i had to speedrun writing this LOL

The atmosphere inside of Nick's car Monday morning was daunting, to say the least. The songs playing from the radio were quiet and went ignored. Neither of them paid attention to the pop tarts Nick brought, the silence was deafening, and the air was suffocating. Nick wasn't as put together as he normally would be. He wore a plain black t-shirt and jeans with his hair still wet from a morning shower. Karl decided to break the silence.

"I can french braid your hair when we get to school, if you want. So it won't be in your way for practice." Nick hated french braids. From the way they looked on him to the tight pull on his scalp. But he knew Karl enjoyed braiding his hair (or playing in it in general) and Nick enjoyed the way Karl's fingers felt in his hair and how close he sat to him.

"Sure, thanks." The silence took back over. Only when Nick pulled into his parking spot did they speak again.

"Take your bandana off and face the window." Nick did exactly that and ran his hand through his wet hair a few times. Karl leaned over the armrest and gently pulled strands of his hair to braid.

"Nick?" He asked mid braid.

"Yeah?" Karl sighed in response.

"Are you okay? You seem off this morning."

"Yeah. Just tired." Karl rolled his eyes and yanked on his braid. "Ow! What the hell?!"

"Nick, don't lie to me. Please." Nick sighed and handed Karl a hair tie from his wrist. He tied off the braid and waited for him to turn around and face him.

"Promise not to get mad?"

"I can't promise anything, but I'll try." Nick bit his lip. His gaze traveled across everything in the car before they finally landed on Karl.

"Remember when I texted you that I was hanging out with Dream?" Karl nodded. "We, uh, smoked some week together."

There was a moment of awkward silence where Karl stared at him with an unreadable expression. But then, Karl laughed. Laughed like he heard the funniest joke of all time.

"W-What?"

"Nick, really? You were acting all weird because you thought I would get mad at you for smoking some pot? You can do whatever you want, Nick. I just don't wanna be around it. Now, pick me up smelling like weed and then we'll have a problem. Is that really what was bothering you so?"

"Yeah, sorry." Nick scratched the back of his neck.

He avoided eye contact with Karl as they walked into the building and split up in the halls. He didn't know how to say he felt left out. And he definetly didn't know how to tell Karl that he felt like he was getting replaced. Even when Nick dropped him off at home that afternoon, he couldn't even muster up the courage to tell him what was really going on in his head.

By the time Tuesday morning rolled around, Karl sat on the front step of his porch and scrolled through his phone while waiting for Alex. He looked up when he heard the sound of tires crunching against the pavement. He smiled and made his way to Alex's passenger seat.

"Good morning~" Alex sung.

"Early bird much?"

"You could say that. I stopped and got coffee on the way here. I didn't know what to get you, hope a caramel macchiato is good." Karl smiled and picked up the paper coffee cup from the cup holder. He pulled the lid off and took a whiff.

"Smells good, thank you."

Alex rambled about his cat and all of her antics whilst they drove to school. Their conversations flowed ever so naturally, something that Karl missed. When they made it to the music hall doors, Alex turned to him with a serious expression.

"You can back out at any time Karl, okay?" He nodded.

"If this isn't what I wanted, I would've backed out a long time ago." Alex opened the doors and silently led Karl to the back of the room where the piano sat. He wiped the piano bench with his hand.

"Sit down. Do you need some sheet music? I could probably get you some." Karl shook his head and sat down.

"No, it's kinda hard to forget how to play." Karl's hands shook as he placed them on the keys. Alex gently placed his hand on top of one of his.

"You have all the time in the world, okay? Don't rush anything." They nodded at each other and Alex pulled his hand back.

Karl stared down at the keys. He could already feel himself sinking further down into the sea of his mind; lungs filling with salty water. No matter how much or how loud he screamed, no one would hear him. There would be no escape. He took a deep breath and started to move his shaky fingers. The notes created a slow and shaky rendition of fur elise. Alex stood behind him with a content smile. Karl attempted to focus on his fingers and not the sour melody coming from the piano, but it proved to not work. The longer he played the deeper he could feel himself sinking and the more water that filled his lungs. He took his hands off the piano as the tears began to fall. He turned around and gave Alex a look of despersation.

"Please h-hold me, Alex..." He sobbed. Alex quickly sat next to him and wrapped his arms around him. He pulled him closer and gently padded down his hair.

"Shh...it's okay...you're okay..."


	16. Anywhere But Here

Karl continued to mindlessly doodle in the margins of his history notes while his teacher was lecturing, only taking actual notes every once in a while. He checked his phone every so often in hopes of a text from Nick. It never came, but Karl couldn't blame him. The only people that knew of the events that morning were Alex and himself. And he intended to keep in that way. He did however take notice when someone else texted him.

Alex: Let's cancel our other piano session for today  
Alex: We can always try again another day  
Karl: what? no  
Karl: i can handle it alex

Fur Elise quickly turned into a song that served as a reminder to Karl that even after all those years, he still couldn't do it right. He would try to keep his head above the water. But he would soon be dragged down to the bottom of his ocean of disappointment. Or he would see himself being frozen to death in the midst of a fierce blizzard. Alex rested his hand on Karl's shoulder as he stared blankly at the piano keys.

"I think that's enough for today, Karl." Karl kelt his gaze on the keys.

"I feel like I got nothing accomplished today..."

"It's only the first day." Alex sighed. "First day of many, Karl. C'mon, let's get you home, okay?"

Karl stood up and grabbed his book bag from beside the piano. He swung one of the straps onto his shoulder. Alex carried a one-sided conversation with Karl as they walked to his car. He rambled about anything and everything as to keep Karl's mind off of what he's been through that day. He even let Karl blast his old school emo playlist he loved on the drive to his house. Karl unplugged his phone when they pulled into his driveway.

"Casa de Jacobs, correct?" Karl giggled.

"This is it. Alex?"

"Can you step out of the car for a sec?"

"Yeah, sure," They both unfastened their seatbelts and walked in front of Alex's car.

"What's-" Karl grabbed onto the front of Alex's shirt and pulled him into a kiss. Alex was shocked, but soon let his hands settle on Karl's hips. They were both breathless when they pulled away from each other. They leaned their foreheads against one another's and let each other's hot breath fan over their lips, eyes closed.

"You asked about what we were the other day..." Alex opened his eyes. "What do you want us to be?" Karl let out a heavy breath.

"I...I'm not sure..." He opened his eyes and stepped away from Alex. "I don't...I don't know why I did that..."

"Karl. I like you, and you know that. And I'm willing to do whatever you want. But I'm not gonna be your rebound for someone you haven't even asked out yet." Alex walked back to the driver's side. "Same pickup time Thursday?"

Karl nodded and Alex drove off. He couldn't fully explain why he did what he did if you asked him. He missed Nick's company. Ever since he started getting close to Alex, Nick was always physically there and just one phone call away, but he never felt like he was emotionally there anymore. He needed someone to lean on, but he was too afraid to put the weight onto Nick. He had already been doing it for the past handful of years. 

Alex was convenient, to say the least. Cute, smart, and forgiving. Karl felt like shit for seeing him that way, but it was such a new feeling, a rush, to be loved. He was in love with that feeling. And too scared to ask Nick if he'd return that.


	17. We Fell in Love in October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this before i knew how quackity felt about anything nsfw regarding him and his friends, so there will be no more scenes like this one in this update <3

The self-induced torture haunted Karl for nearly two weeks before a significant breakthrough. On days where Alex couldn't help Karl, whether it be emotional support after a wretched practice session or physical support in the form of a makeout session, he would basically chain himself to his piano. He couldn't play more than half of a piece before his mind got the better of him. Throughout the first week of his return to playing, the sadness and dullness turned into anger and frustration. And Alex and Karl had gotten to a different kind of work after yet another attempt of playing a full-length piece.

On Karl's bed, he sat straddled with his legs around Alex's waist and hands grabbing at the back of his head. Karl pulled on Alex's hair as Alex tightened his grip on his waist. Karl pulled him closer and tilted his head back when Alex started to trail kisses down his neck.

"God, Nick," Karl gasped. He loosened the grip on Alex's hair and rested his arms on Alex's shoulders. He pulled his head from the crook of Karl's neck and looked up at him. He pulled his hood over his fluffy hair and flopped on his back; Alex did the same, minus the hoodie. They both looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

"Sorry..." Karl whispered.

"Nothing to be sorry over. I like you and you like some musical prodigy. I get to make out with the guy I like and I make sure the guy I like doesn't make a fool of himself come the time he grows the balls to kiss his crush. Win-win situation, right?"

"You talk about him like you don't know him. But yeah, I guess."

"I talk about him like that cuz I'm not a fan of the guy. But you do have a point; saying the wrong name is a total turn-off." Karl rolled his eyes and turned to face Alex.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Have a friend with benefits without feeling guilty or, or awkward." Alex chuckled.

"I don't know if I'd really call it 'friends with benefits,' we're not having sex, nor do I plan to with you. Besides, what's there to feel guilty about. There's nothing to be awkward about either."

"I don't know...and I just...feel so awkward around Nick now. He doesn't really talk to me anymore. I'm always hanging out with you, playing piano, and he's probably off smoking with your ensemble mates." Karl chuckled, a sad one at that. Alex sat up.

"Hey, get up." Karl begrudgingly got up. "Why don't you come to ensemble practice tomorrow morning? Maybe start off the week right?"

"Why?"

"Some kid's interested in auditioning for the soon-to-be-open pianist spot so we'll be on our A-game for practice." He scooted closer to him and went back to kissing Karl's neck, earning an eruption of laughter from him. "So you should come watch."

"Okay, okay, I'll show up!" He laughed and attempted to push Alex off. "I'll only show up if you get off and help me go play piano! Now!"

\---

When Nick pulled up to Karl's house Monday morning, he was speechless, to say the least. Karl had dark bags under his eyes and messier hair than normal. He stood almost dead still with the expectation of his shaking hands clenching desperately to his white monster. No amount of makeout sessions with Alex or energy drinks would help the situation. He slid into the passenger seat silently, only giving a head nod to Nick.

"Karl...you look awful."

"Wow, thanks. Really needed that." Karl rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, sorry. That was mean. Are you okay?" Karl took a moment to think. He knew Nick would ask. There was no way he could cover it up. He had planned to just tell him his history reading kept him up, but he knew he could never get away with lying; especially to Nick. He tapped his fingers along his Monster can.

"I-I just stayed up too late. I'll just get to sleep early tonight." Stayed up too late was an understatement. The constant sound of insults and sour notes rattled in his skull, making it impossible to close his eyes for more than a moment.

"Stayed up late? Doing what?" Nick started to pull out of the driveway. Karl tapped against it a little faster.

"A little bit of everything. Maybe it just felt like a lot more than it was cuz I was studying for a test." Nick chuckled at him.

"For once I think I'm actually enjoying a Monday morning."

"You? Where is the real Nick and what have you done to him?" Nick rolled his eyes.

"Eat your pop tart before it gets cold." He chuckled.

"So what's got you so pumped?" Karl took a bite and tilted his head. Nick lit up brighter than the town's Christmas tree in mid-December.

"Tubbo texted me last night that his friend was interested in being our pianist after the showcase!" Karl wanted to throw up. He harshly swallowed the piece of pop tart in his mouth and nervously coughed. Nick was obviously excited and didn't want to diminish his spirits by telling him he already knew.

"R-Really? Who is he?"

"His name is Floris, cool name, right? Tubbo said he'll be there to observe the ensemble and decide if he'll audition, so we really need to give it our all today."

Karl took a sip from his Monster and a warm feeling erupted from his chest. Similar to the way he felt when he first met Nick that competition day. Threads of hope and genuine happiness woven together to create a beautiful soul. Nick was seemingly always happy when talking about music, yet these moments of true happiness were rare. The kind that would make his eyes shimmer.

"Hey, Nick...?" Nick raised an eyebrow and kept his eyes on the road.

"Yeah? What's up?" Karl pulled the collar of his sweater down some.

"Do you have space for one more?"

"One more? One more what?"

"One more person to watch you guys play this morning..." Nick shrugged.

"Sure, why no. Who were you thinking about? I didn't think Jimmy and them liked music that much." Karl sighed.

"You are so damn dense, I'm talking about me, you idiot!" He chuckled. Nick's eyes went wide.

"You?! I mean, yeah sure, but why? H-How...?" Karl sighed again.

"I wanna be upfront with you, Nick. More so than before." He locked his gaze on the quickly passing world on the other side of the window. "You've always been there for me. From day one when I was crying at that stupid competition, but I couldn't be there for you in the same way. I never show up to your competitions, I never come to your showcases, hell, I don't even know what you're playing half the time because I'll get too scared..."

Karl wasn't lying. He did feel guilty that in the years of knowing him, he had never gone to his competitions. But he wouldn't go into detail about the fact that he was going to practice with Nick to get over his fear.

"Karl..." Nick mumbled.

"I can't stay scaed of my demons forever. And besides, I wanna hear you guys play!" Karl turned his head to see Nick trying to hold back his tears as he backed into a parking space. He turned the car off and stepped out.

"Get out of the car." Nick quietly demanded. 

Karl swallowed as his hands shook and he opened the door to step out. Nick made his way over to the passenger door where Karl stood and enveloped him in a hug. His arms were tight around Karl's thin frame, the warmth of his body overcoming him in the cool autumn wind. Karl was taken aback, but eventually hugged him back. The parking lot was quiet, other than the few cars driving around and the whistling of the wind. Karl held on tighter as his tears dampened Nick's shirt. It was a long while before they pulled apart, Karl being the one to pull away, wiping a few tears off with his sweater. He looked up at Nick and laid a hand on his cheek. He used his thumb to swipe a tear away.

"Why are YOU crying?" Karl giggled and Nick copied.

"I'm really happy for you. And proud. More than you know." Nick smiled and leaned into Karl's touch. 

Another warm feeling appeared in his chest. Like a flame so fragile a single shallow breath would extinguish it.


	18. Merry-Go-Round of Life

Karl focused on watching Nick's Doc Martens as he trailed behind him. The halls in the school that time of morning were quiet. No sounds other than a few stray conversations in other sounds and the muffled sounds of musical instruments down the hall. A chill shot down Karl's back when they approached the big wooden doors to the music halls.

"Are you sure you wanna do this? I can still walk you back to your first period." Nick asked. Karl looked down at his phone.

"You're already late and there's a new guy waiting for you. I have to do this." Nick nodded and opened the door. The energy in the room was lively and energetic. Towards the back of the room, a few people stood around watching someone play the piano. Most everyone else was sitting around in small groups, warming up and chatting.

"Finally, he shows up!" A few heads turned after Clay shouted. Karl lit up when he saw Clay and someone else walking towards them.

"Karl!" Alex smiled and pulled him in for a short-lived hug. Nick averted his eyes and instead focused on Clay.

"Now, if we all start bringing our friends, then what?" Nick nervously giggled.

"I know, I know, it won't happen again." Nick lightly punched him in the shoulder and turned back to Karl. "You can sit on one of those chairs up there and Floris will sit next to you, okay?" 

Karl nodded and made his way over to one of the two chairs near the conductors stand. He sat his bag down next to the chair and took a seat. The best way to describe the music hall at that time of morning would be organized chaos. Everyone was separated into pockets of other people playing random riffs on the same instrument together. Karl kept his eyes low enough to not see the piano. The loud sounds and amount of people there all at once were overwhelming on their own. 

A man stepped up on the podium and clapped a few times. Everyone scrambled to their seats and quieted down. The man started lecturing about how they need to get ready for the showcase and the setlist he decided on. A boy with dark orange hair with white streaks in it walked up towards the other chair and sat down. 

"You're Floris, right?" Karl asked.

"Yeah, you?"

"Karl." Floris nodded,

"Are you auditioning too? One of my friends said they needed a new pianist for when he quits." Karl swallowed.

"I don't think so. I've just never been to an ensemble performance before so my friend invited me here to watch a practice."

"Really? Who's your friend? I don't know many people here, so I might not know them."

"Nick. He's a violinist, have you heard of him?" Floris's eyes widened.

"Do I know him? Who doesn't know that guy? He's like, super talented." Floris laughed. "To be one hundred percent real with you, I really didn't wanna do this." Karl furrowed his eyebrows.

"What? Why not?" He lowered his voice a little bit as the conductor continued to talk.

"My ex is here. I never really planned to see him again, but here we are." Floris nodded towards the back. Behind the last row of chairs were the piano, percussionists, guitar, and bass players. He assumed he was talking about the guy that seemingly wears the same green smile hoodie every day.

"Yikes, sorry about that, man." Floris shook his head.

"It's okay. I've moved on..." Floris lowered his voice just above a whisper. "...for the most part."

\---

Practice started just like Karl thought it would. Everyone took time to warm up and tune their instruments. He took note of what everyone was playing but stayed confused about how there were typical orchestra instruments like violins and cellos, but also band instruments like drums and bass guitars. Nick explained beforehand about the diverse musical palette they have, but the songs still gave him whiplash. One song would be classical and slow, the next being a hyper rock song. 

Whenever someone started to play the piano, he was left conflicted. Part of him wanted to open his ears and let the sweet sounds in. But the other made him want to curl into a ball and disappear into the ground below. His leg shook and his palms began to sweat, but he had to wait it out. He had to get through this.

Regardless, he and Floris bopped their heads to the beat all throughout the early morning. After the ensemble finished rehearing, Nick started putting his violin away and a few people came up to Karl and Floris.

"Wanna play?" A short boy asked Floris.

"Yeah, might as well. Wanna join, Karl?" Floris stretched and stood up.

"I-I'll watch, yeah."

"Alright, c'mon!" With shaky legs, Karl stood up and followed Floris and a few others to the back of the music hall to the piano. Floris settled down at the piano and brushed his fingers over a few of the keys.

"Go on, play something." Someone else in a small crowd forming around the piano said. He started playing and Karl's conflicting emotions continued to ring in his ears. He tried to focus on Floris's fingers and the melody coming out, but that and the multiple people surrounding him, it all proved to be too much. It felt like he was being pulled down to the bottom of the ocean, and everything sounded muffled and distorted. He could feel his knees getting weaker and his chest heavier as if he were drowning.

"Guys, I..." He stumbled to the ground and held his head in his hand. The pounding and aching only grew. Floris's playing came to a screeching halt.

"Karl!" The crowd shifted around him. Alex shuffled through the people and to Karl's side. As he leaned down to rest a hand on his shoulder, someone else swatted it away and gave Alex the side-eye.

"What the fuck is your deal, dude?!" Alex growled. He ignored him.

"Everyone back up, back up." Nick sternly commanded, then lowered his voice. "You especially."

Alex shoved him to the side. "Yeah, and what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means-"

"Can you two stop already? I just need someone to walk me to the bathroom, please." Karl's voice trembled. Alex huffed, stood up, and took a few steps back. Everyone watched as they walked out, Nick's arm around Karl's shoulders. Karl dragged his feet across the floor as they bad their way to the boys' bathroom. 

Nick ushered him into the handicap stall and gently rubbed circles into his back as Karl was doubled over the toilet. His throat ached from the bile and his eyes were puffy from the tears. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at Nick.

"I'm r-really sorry. I thought I could handle it. I think I was just overwhelmed." Nick kneeled down next to him and wrapped his arm around him.

"Shh, Karl, it's okay, I promise. You'll be okay." Karl leaned into Nick's touch. "It'll be okay..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just gonna pretend i don't totally hate this chapter lol


	19. Sophie in Exile

Karl waited outside of the boys' bathroom as Nick went back to the music hall to get all of their belongings. After the scuffed ending to the practice that morning, his entire day had gone off the rails. He didn't go to lunch either. He sat in the school library in an attempt to read his troubles away. And every time he passed Nick in the halls, he kept his head down. He didn't speak to a single soul for the duration of the day. He was even on the fence about letting Nick drive him home, but at the end of it all, he was already dragging himself to Nick's car.

Nick was impatiently tapping his foot and staring at his phone as he was leaning against his car. When he heard footsteps approach, he immediately ran up to Karl.

"Karl!" He tackled Karl into a hug and placed his hand on the back of Karl's head, rubbing circles into his hair. "I was so worried about you all day." Karl wrapped his arms around Nick and buried his head into his neck.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for worrying you. And for ruining your practice this morning." Nick kept his hands on Karl's shoulders and stepped back.

"Don't say that. You have nothing to be sorry about. C'mon, let's get outta here, okay?" Karl nodded and followed Nick into the car. 

As expected, the car ride was quiet. Not silent, but quiet. Relaxing lo-fi music came out of the radio and wind from the opened sunroof flowed throughout the car. Karl admired the way the wind rustled Nick's long black hair. He never liked it past his shoulders, but Karl would go on and on about how long hair suited Nick so well. Needless to say, Nick didn't think twice about skipping a haircut or ten. He still wore it in two space buns on top of his head that Karl absolutely adored, but a few loose strands waved around.

"Take a picture, it might last longer," Nick smirked and Karl blushed.

"S-Shut up." Nick laughed.

"You say you love my hair long but I never see you with long hair. What's that about?"

"Hey, I never said _I_ wanted long hair, it just looked good on you. And c'mon, what girl doesn't like a guy with long hair, right?" Nick laughed again. 

"I don't know what girls you're talking about but send 'em my way."

"Not my fault you're married to the grind. I'll buy you some pretty ribbons and little butterfly clips, maybe that'll help your chances." They both shared a laugh. "Nick, where are you going?"

"Nowhere. Somewhere. Everywhere." Karl rolled his eyes.

"I can't even get a straight answer from you on a day like this? You're such a nimrod." Karl giggled.

"Trust me, you'll love it. It's totally worth a few late assignments."

"English again? I told you I can help if you just ask."

"Okay, but when I asked you to do it you tell me no!"

"Getting someone to help with your homework and getting someone to do your homework are two totally different things!"

"Doesn't matter. Not important right now." He looked at Karl for a split second then quickly plastered his eyes back on the road. "You're all that matters today, Karl."

A seed was planted in Karl's chest the day that he met Nick. He knew so little about how that would grow into a blooming and blossoming flower, something so close to his heart, would become something so overpowering. Every time Nick smiled, every time Nick laughed, hell, every time he breathed, Karl would find something to love about it. But he hated the way he felt about Nick. One slip up, one "I love you" that doesn't quite sound enough like a joke, and their entire friendship could be over.

After about fifteen more minutes, Nick parked in a spot at a convenience store. He grabbed his wallet and hopped out.

"One sec!" He shouted from outside of the car. A few moments later, he came out with a small white plastic bag. He settled back into the driver's seat and handed Karl the bag.

"So we had to go all this way for two white monsters and some sour gummy worms? Like we couldn't get those elsewhere?"

"Complaining about drinks and snacks? Who are you? I can take them back if you want." Nick reached over for the bag in Karl's lap but he quickly snatched it away.

"No!" Nick laughed and continued to drive.

Eventually, Nick pulled into a patch of dead brown grass. The sun was still shining in the clear cerulean blue sky above. Nick grabbed a blanket from his trunk and told Karl to get out of the car. The sight was jaw-droppingly beautiful. An expansive field was full of different kinds of flowers with a giant like in the middle. Nick walked in front of Karl and waved the blanket for him to follow.

"Oh my god..." Karl gasped to himself. Nick placed the blanket on a patch of grass with no flowers and patted the spot next to him.

"C'mon, sit with me." Karl did exactly that and handed Nick the other monster can. The air was cool and fresh that far out of the city, some gentle mist from the lake floating around them. Karl's breath eased as time went on and he and Nick drank their drinks.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Nick asked as he opened the sour gummy worms. Karl sighed.

"Pianos. And how this is hitting the spot." He held up his can. "You?"

"You. Pianos. How much I miss him." Karl flushed a little pink.

"'Him'?"

"Yeah. This place is where my dad brought me a lot before he got too sick. We would pick flowers for my momma and she would yell at us for taking them away from their home. We would bring iced tea and I would dance around playing my violin, like a little wannabe Lindsey Stirling." Nick chuckled and looked into Karl's eyes. "And I thought this place would do you some good too."

"Thanks. I know how much you miss him." Nick picked up a gummy worm.

"I do. A lot, sometimes. But everything happens for a reason. Momma and I would've never moved here and I would've never met you had it not happened." Nick acted like that part of his past didn't affect him or that it was so long ago, but Karl's heart ached for him. "Sorry, I came here to let you vent and relax, not me."

"No, I get it. This place was really important to your dad and is really important to you. Honestly, thank you for bringing me here." Nick smiled.

"Anything you wanna talk about? I did say I would let you vent, didn't I?" Karl's chest tightened. This was his moment; his chance. All the years of their friendship could disappear in the next moment. It could turn into something more, or disintegrate into nothingness.

"Uh, yeah, there is something I wanna tell you..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i imagined the field they went to the same field from howl's moving castle, but studying for english tests makes me never wanna write ever again LOL


	20. Thought of You

"Anything you wanna talk about? I did say I would let you vent." Karl's chest tightened. This was his moment; his chance. All the years of their friendship could disappear in the next moment. It could turn into something more, or disintegrate into nothingness.

"Uh, yeah, there's something I wanna tell you..."

"Sure, take your time."

Karl took a deep breath. He already felt sick as a dog although no words left his mouth yet. He bit down on his lip and picked at his fingernails.

"I'm just gonna go for it." Karl whispered to himself.

"Are you okay?" Nick's eyebrow furrowed. He placed a hand on Karl's knee as Karl pushed some of his hair out of his face. And with shaking hands, he kept his eyes locked on Nick's.

"Nick, I'm gay." He looked down at his monster can. "And I didn't say anything sooner cuz I didn't wanna make you feel uncomfortable..."

"Karl..." 

"And I totally get it if you don't wanna be friends anymore..."

"Karl."

"Because you wouldn't want other people thinking-"

"Karl!" Nick tightened his grip on Karl's knee. "Did you really think I would stop being friends with you for something you can't control? Cuz it's gonna take a lot more than you being gay for me to leave you alone." They both giggled.

"I was just nervous. I never know what people are gonna say, I haven't exactly done this a lot."

"Have you told anyone else?"

"Jimmy and them know. They've been trying to get me to tell you for weeks now." Nick clenched onto his chest in fake pain.

"They knew way before me? Ouch!"

"Oh shut the honk up." Karl playfully shoved Nick's shoulder. "If they dropped me for liking guys it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Yeah I'd be upset, but that's like nothing if you stopped talking to me. You mean a lot to me, Nick."

"You mean a lot to me too." The tips of Nick's ears turned red, as did Karl's cheeks. Nick stood up with his now empty can and the half-empty bag of gummy worms.

"Let's get outta here. I've got practice at the academy soon." Karl stood up and started to fold the blanket.

"Work never stops for the violin prodigy, I get it." He laughed.

Karl enjoyed the atmosphere during the car ride back more than the one there, as wasn't nearly as much pressure surrounding him as before. He could now talk about whatever Instagram model was filling his feed without the fear that Nick would think it was weird or gross. It especially tickled him when they got to the topic of his type. Nick went through nearly all the guys he knew, asking if Karl thought any of them were attractive.

"You're such a liar, you have to have a type!"

"I really don't, promise!" Nick laughed at him.

"How about tall, long black hair, fantastic violin skills?" Karl rolled his eyes but averted looking at Nick. Ignoring the tall part, Karl whispered to himself.

"More than you know..." He fell asleep soon after the conversation and only awoke when he was outside of his own house. Nick started to gently shake him awake. His vision was slightly blurred as a smiling Nick came into focus.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. I already put your stuff in your room. And can I just ask, how the hell is your back not split in two? Do you really need that many history books?" Karl tiredly chuckled and unfastened his seatbelt.

"I don't know. Guess I'm magic, huh?" He stepped out of the car. "And yes, I do need all of those history books, thank you very much. And honestly, thank you for today. Even the morning. I need to work through this, and you being there really helped." Nick pulled Karl into a hug.

"No problem at all. I know I told you before, but I really am proud of you; at practice this morning and today at the field. Takes a lot of courage." Nick pulled away. "Wanna hang out again this weekend? I'll have my mom make some celebratory food."

"Sounds like a blast. I'll catch you in the morning." Karl waved as he walked into his house and Nick waved back. Once Karl closed the door behind him, Nick slid back into the driver's seat and rested his head on his steering wheel.

"What the hell am I feeling...?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))))))


	21. Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> summer by joe hisaishi btw

Karl closed the door behind him and immediately slid down it until he was sitting on the floor. He buried his head in his arms, instantly filling with relief and thankfulness. He hated the way he made himself think about Nick. He knew Nick wouldn't have any negative opinion and would never care about those sorts of things, but he got into his own head so much to believe he wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore.

When Karl regained himself, he made a straight B-line for the piano room. Before he could let his head get the best of him, he threw the door to the room open and sat down in front of the piano. His fingers hovered over the keys. There was no invisible force pushing his hands away. Only his anxiety kept them a couple of inches above the black and white keys. He took a long inhale, held his breath for a few seconds, and let it go.

"For him..." He whispered.

His fingers moved almost as naturally as they did five years ago. He focused on looking at the keys in an attempt to ignore the music he was playing. The notes weren't always right, as to be expected, but it didn't matter to him in that moment. The tension began to melt away and he let the sound of Summer flow into his ears.

When he played the final note, he stared down at his fingers resting on the keys; They weren't tingling or trembling. Excitement arose in his chest and a wide smile spread across his face. He hopped up from the piano stool and jumped about.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" He chanted. He paused his celebration momentarily to fish his phone from his pocket and tap the screen a few times before holding it up to his ear.

"Hello?" The person on the other side of the line asked.

"Alex! Alex, I did it!"

"Huh? Did what?"

"What're you doing right now? Can you come over?" His voice beamed with excitement.

"Um, I'm not sure..."

"Oh please? Pleeeeease?" Alex giggled.

"Fine. Only for a little bit. I'll be over in twenty." He hung up, but the smile on his face remained.

He excitedly paced around his piano room, checking his phone every once in a while. And when he heard his doorbell ring, he bolted right to the door. He swung it open to see a tired-looking Alex on his doorstep.

"Hey, so-" Karl latched onto him and held his arms tight around him. Alex quickly caught his balance and hugged him back. "K-Karl? You good?"

"No." Karl let go. "I'm fantastic."


	22. Honeypie

Alex's eyes lit up in amazement as Karl's fingers moved up and down the keys and a lovely melody filled his ears. He pulled his beanie over the tips of his red ears and shoved his hands in his pockets. When Karl was done, he smiled up at Alex.

"What did you think?" He got up from the piano bench and stood directly in front of Alex.

"Karl, that was amazing! I had no idea you made this much progress! I'm assuming this is what you called me over for?" 

Karl nodded. "Yeah, and I have some news!"

"Yeah?"

"I hung out with Nick after school today," Alex's smile began to fade. "and told him I was gay."

"Really? Karl, oh my god, that's great. What did he say?" Karl's cheeks became just a little redder.

"H-He took it really well, actually. He didn't wanna let that change anything between us, which is good."

"That's great. I told you it'd work out. I do need to head out though, I-"

"C'mon, Alex." Karl started playing with a few of Alex's fingers and gave him big puppy eyes. He moved a little closer and rested his hand on Alex's chest. "Stay for a little bit longer?"

Alex pulled Karl's hand off of him and stepped back.

"Karl, let's stop this." A confused expression flooded Karl's face.

"What? Why?" Alex tucked a few pieces of his hair back in his beanie.

"I just, I think we should stop. You told Nick you're gay, so you're already part of the way there. He wouldn't be thrilled to find out we're doing what we're doing, Karl. I'll still stay with you as moral support for your piano playing, but I shouldn't do anything more than that." Karl nervously stuck his hand in his pocket.

"Right, right, I guess you're right. What do I tell Nick?"

"What's there to tell him?"

"What if he asks if there was something between us? He might've been thinking that already." Alex shrugged.

"None of his business. If you have to say something, just say that we're friends. It's the truth, right?" Karl nodded and Alex turned around to leave. "Still on for piano practice tomorrow morning?"

Karl whispered a quiet "yeah" and waved as Alex slipped his shoes on. His thoughts became louder once he heard the door slam and all of the puzzle pieces fell into place within his head. The way Alex spoke rudely of Nick or the fact that his entire demeanor changed when Karl brought him up in conversation. Karl knew Alex's feelings for him and ignored them for his own gain, pretending not to notice how Alex wanted more than a good time. He was chasing after him like he was Nick.

And he knew.

The following morning in the car felt weird to Karl. Alex brought him a cup of coffee and spoke with him like nothing ever happened the evening prior. He talked about everything under the sun like he did every other morning. Karl wouldn't've thought anything weird about it on any other day. But today wasn't like any other day.

"...and then, he was all like-"

"Alex, are you okay? Are you feeling alright?" Alex shot him a quick confused look.

"Um, I think? Why?"

"You just seem...too...normal."

"As opposed to what? You're not making any sense, Karl, how many monsters have you had today?"

"I don't know, and none. I haven't had any today, thank you."

"What's wrong with you? Something going on?" Karl sighed and pushed some of his hazel hair back.

"I'm sorry about everything." Alex's concern only grew.

"Karl, you're still not making any sense."

"I knew how you felt about me, and I did all of this with you anyways. And I'm sorry." Alex chuckled.

"Really? Karl, if I wasn't prepared to have my heartbroken, I would've dipped a long time ago. And at the end of the day, if you're happy, I'm happy. Even if your happiness means being with that violin freak."

They both laughed and continued their banter on the way to school. Karl didn't know what to expect for the future. He had prepared for the worst, yet he would've been nervous regardless. They were getting their things together after Karl finished playing (first practice with no tears) when Alex held out two tickets in front of him.

"What are these?" Alex adjusted the straps of his bag on his shoulders.

"Car park movie tickets. I was gonna ask you to go with me, but I think you and Sap could get better use out of em than we would."

"Aww, Alex, you didn't have to." He pulled him in for a short-lived hug. "Thank you. I-" Alex suddenly yanked them right out of Karl's reach.

"I'm only letting you take them if you promise me something."

"Promise what?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're about to get into the burn part of this slow burn :)))


	23. Your Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't think i mention this earlier but over 200 kudos???? poggers????? ty -3-
> 
> and no more short chapters, promise (maybe)

"My mom said she was working late tonight so we're on our own for dinner. Do you wanna eat before or after the movie?" Karl and Nick threw their bags to a corner of Nick's room and both flopped down on his bed.

"After. I don't wanna watch a movie with a full stomach." Nick chuckled.

"You're so weird. What movie is it?"

"I don't really know." He pulled the tickets from his pocket and held them up. "Perks of Being a Wallflower! I love that movie!"

"You would be the one to pick a cheesy romance movie." Karl shot up.

"The tickets were from a friend, and it's not some cheesy romance movie!" He lightly punched Nick on the shoulder. "What do you wanna do in the meantime? We've still got time, should we do homework?"

Nick gave him the most side-eye he's ever given in his entire 17 years of life.

"Homework? On a Friday afternoon? I'm not a workaholic like you, Karl." Karl got up off the bed and stood in front of it.

"Alright. Get up."

"What? why?"

"Because we're doing that English assignment you've been procrastinating on."

\---

"I still cannot believe you." Nick huffed and sunk further into the driver's seat.

"Oh my god, you are such a baby! Maybe if you didn't procrastinate for who knows how long you would've needed to waste time on a Friday."

"Now I'm gonna watch a cheesy movie with Edgar Allen Poe on my mind."

"One, it's not easy. And two, good! Maybe you'll actually read the book next time." Karl giggled.

Nick left his sunroof open and Karl enjoyed the cool evening wind against his face as it tousled his hair. He closed his eyes and laid his head back on the seat with a soft content smile on his face. The night felt like they were finally returning to normalcy again. Even the playful tension had flown out of the sunroof.

"Don't fall asleep on me, Jacobs."

"Shut up, nimrod. There's still a good while before we get there." Karl responded with his eyes still shut.

Nick turned whatever random song playing from his phone down and stole a quick glance at Karl. Despite hating long hair on himself, he was probably due for a cut. The longest part of his bangs sat right above his long eyelashes. His skin looked soft and clear, especially against the gentle glow of the moon. He had also worn one of Nick's hoodies that he himself never used anymore since Karl spilled pencil shaving on his own. He moved around a little in his sleep, oftentimes even mumbling random words and short phrases. His lips were a dusty rose that the moonlight shined onto as well.

Nick smiled.


	24. Mango

Karl jerked away when he felt warm wind on his ear.

"Ah, Nick, what the honk?!" Nick laughed.

"Get up! Movie's gonna start soon, we can watch it on the roof." Karl stretched and slid out of the car, slamming the door behind him. He followed Nick as he scaled his car and sat atop of it. He had already set up the same blanket from their other outing and some snacks to go along. Karl settled down next to him and cuddled into his body heat.

"Nick, your mom is gonna kill you for this."

"I'll just tell her a crazy guy tried to run up my car, that's why there's muddy footprints." Nick popped a bag of chips open and laughed.

"I'll remember that as I walk to school because you got your car keys taken away." Karl laughed as well.

"Oh stop, the movie's starting."

The movie was projected on a giant white tarp and dozens upon dozens of cars were parked around them as well. Karl moved a little closer and settled to Nick's side, the other's arm wrapping around Karl's waist. He leaned his head against his shoulder and let out a heavy breath.

It was nice. To Karl, Nick felt like a warm blanket covering your feet on a frigid winter night. He would jokingly get annoyed whenever Nick had a sly comment about the movie. 'Why don't they just get together already?' being his most comment remark throughout the 'cheesy romance film'; the irony. Karl enjoyed watching the movie for the friendships. He admired the main character's growth from awkward and quiet to getting out there in the world.

When the movie came to a close and the waves of applause consumed the music over the credits, Nick began to gather the empty bottles and wrappers from around them. Karl nervously played with the strings of his hoodie (granted he was borrowing it from Nick). The night between them would be ending soon. When was a good time? Would there ever really be a good time to begin with?

Karl also slid off the roof of the car and surprised himself when he didn't fall flat on his face.

"Ready to go?" Nick asked.

"Actually, not yet." Nick's face contorted into confusion. He now stood directly in front of Karl.

"What is it?" Karl swallowed and Alex's words from earlier that week swam through his mind;

_"I'm only letting you take them if you promise me something."_

_"Promise you what?"_

_"That you'll grow a pair and ask him out."_

"Nick, I don't really know how to say this, but here it goes." He took a deep breath. "I like you. Like, really like you, and I've been trying to find the right way to say this for god knows how long." A few tears trickled from his eyes that he quickly wiped away. 

"I'm sorry, this is so lame, I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry." Karl couldn't even look him in his eyes, instead opting for staring at his own shoes and rocking back and forth on his heels. 

"Karl, I..." Nick sighed. "Look at me." Karl swallowed and looked back to Nick. He pulled his hair out of the low bun it was in and slid the hair tie on his wrist; his way of relaxing. 

"Do you remember what I asked you the other day? When we were in that field together?" Karl sniffed and shook his head. "I asked 'Did you really think I would stop being friends with you for something you can't control?' You can't control who you do and don't like. It just happens that way." 

"S-So...what does this mean...?" Karl felt like his world was stilled for a moment; even the evening wind seized its whistling for a few seconds. Nick sighed and looked away. 

"I..." He nervously ran his hand through his hair. "It means I'm sorry, Karl. I just...I'm just not into guys in that way." 


	25. It's Okay to Envy

Nick tried to focus on anything else. The road ahead of him, a strand of hair that wouldn't get out of his face, that buzzing of the heating system; anything. Anything to not hear Karl's muffled sobs. He sat with his face practically glued to the passenger side window and his hood pulled tightly over his head. He tried his hardest to conceal his cries and was obviously failing.

"D-Do you still wanna get dinner? I can pick something up real quick." Nick asked, just above a whisper. Karl sniffled.

"I'm not hungry. Just take me home, please." Nick silently complied.

When they pulled into Karl's driveway, the atmosphere stayed the exact same. Karl unfastened his seat belt and slowly opened his door. He paused mid-way and settled back into his seat. He pulled his arms out of the hoodie, slid it over his head, and handed it to Nick.

"Bring me my bag sometime this weekend, please." Nick nodded and Karl finally stepped out of the car and gently closed the door behind him. Nick didn't leave the driveway until Karl completely dragged himself inside. He felt as though he was dragging the weight of ten bodies behind him. It was painfully obvious it was his first heartbreak.

He continued to drag his feet until he stood in front of the door to his piano room. He pushed it open and dropped himself down on the bench. He roughly played Arabesque No. 2, wrong notes aside, Nick's favorite. The tears blurred his vision but he kept his fingers moving until they ached. When he finally gave in to the exhaustion, he covered his wet face with his hands and sobbed.

He shakily pulled his phone from his pocket. His thumb hovered over the call button of one of his few contacts.

\---

Hours passed before an inkling of recovering appeared. Alex continuously raked his fingers through Karl's hair as he kept him glued to his side whilst they laid on Alex's bed. Karl was fading in and out of sleep and half paying attention to the telenovela Alex had on.

"Pizza'll be here in ten." Alex quietly spoke, eyes still on the TV. Karl turned and dug his face into Alex's chest.

"I told you, I'm not hungry." His voice was muffled against Alex's shirt

"That's nice. You're eating. And you're eating the pizza that's getting here in ten minutes." Karl groaned and turned back to his original position. It was a long while before either of them spoke again.

"Alex?" Karl mumbled.

"That's my name, yeah."

"I'm sorry for only coming over when I need something. I forget to think about you all the time. I'm sorry." Alex chuckled.

"If you never thought of me at all, you wouldn't even be here. I think you need to be a little easier on yourself right now, Karl. You're not my first time at the heartbreak rodeo and you probably won't be my last." Karl looked up at him and Alex stopped moving his fingers.

"You never asked me what was wrong. How did you know?"

"Karl. Tonight was the date on the movie tickets and you came to my house sobbing, and not the happy tears kind. It's wasn't my place to question anyways. You're upset and you came to me, nuff said." Karl turned slightly over and laid his arm across Alex's chest.

"I hate this feeling. This is dumb."

"You and me both." Alex sighed.


	26. My Heart is Buried in Venice

Karl awoke the following morning (albeit late morning) in a bed that wasn't his, wearing clothes that didn't belong to him, but the familiar pounding in his head had his name written all over it. He rolled over and saw a small wooden nightstand with his phone sat charging on top. When he clicked it on, there a dozen or so missed calls from Nick and a few text messages from Alex. He slid away the call notifications and opened Alex's messages:

Alex: Hey, my mom and I both had to head out for work but feel free to stay home alone there as long as you want, my shift ends early at 3 today  
Alex: There's leftover pizza in the fridge and some Advil on the nightstand if your head still hurts  
Alex: If you do leave, lock the door on your way out and text me when you get home

Karl unplugged his phone and rolled on his back, holding the phone high above his face. He smiled and typed back:

Karl: how'd you know i had a headache?  
Alex: Everyone does after crying that much  
Alex: How'd you sleep?  
Karl: good  
Karl: thank you  
Alex: For?  
Karl: everything  
Karl: you're just too nice to me  
Alex: Aww, I'm flattered

Karl clicked his phone back off and tucked it into the pocket of Alex's hoodie he wore. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stared down at them. The joggers Alex lent to him were fleece and soft like a warm blanket. And he had just woken up in Alex's bed. If it were the same situation but he woke up in Nick's bed, especially if Nick were still in it, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. He just couldn't bring himself to feel about Alex the same way even if he tried.

He sighed and swiped the 2 pills off the nightstand before trotting downstairs to Alex's kitchen where he took time to take everything in. When it came to friends' houses, the only one he knew like the back of his hand was Nick's. When he went to get a glass, the cups were in a cabinet he was expecting them to be. The water didn't come from the door of the freezer like Nick's, but from a pitcher in the refrigerator. The bathroom wasn't underneath the stairs like Nick's house, but on another floor. He felt alone and it all felt unfamiliar. Eventually, after gathering his bearings, he walked the whole way home.

The ache in his chest held strong and everything continued to remind him of Nick. Like the spot on the side of the road, they got stuck at after Nick's car broke down. And when he went through the gate to his neighborhood, all he could think of was the time Karl forgot the passcode and him and Nick had to jump the fence. Well, attempt to jump the fence. Or the exact spot in his front yard where they stargazed as children.

When he approached his front door, his bag was leaned against it with a piece of paper on top. He bent over and unfolded it to read:

_Here's your bag_  
_Let me know if you need anything else_  
_Please call me when you get a chance_  


Karl crumbled the note and tucked it into the pocket of his joggers. He grabbed his backpack and went through the door. When he sauntered past the door to his piano room, he never even gave it a thought. He immediately sprawled his school supplies across his desk and threw himself into his work, assignment after assignment, ignoring Nick when he called every once in a while. 

He didn't know how to react. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to feel, other than the obvious sadness. Nick's words repeated in his head and stabbed at his brain. Karl just wished Nick had said anything else, even if it still ended up being rejection. He could've said he was talking to someone, or that Karl wasn't his type, or anything that wasn't a version of I'm straight." Karl could've been Nick's dream had he just been born a girl instead. And that ate Karl alive; thinking about what could've been.

Hours of homework later, Karl couldn't take hearing Nick's ringtone anymore and finally picked up.

"Do you not have anything else to be doing today?" He mumbled. Nick let out a sigh of relief when he heard his voice.

"Karl! Finally, how are you?"

_How am I? I feel like garbage. I had my heart ripped out by my best friend and now he's calling me all concerned._

"I'm fine, what've you been calling for? You've been blowing me up all day if haven't noticed."

"I just..." He paused. "I just wanted to make sure we had no bad blood, you know? You're still my best friend."

_My best friend..._

"I-I'll call you later, Nick." Karl quickly hung up and threw his phone onto his bed across the room.

At that moment, he hated everything. He hated the fact he even answered the phone, that he clung to Alex so hard, that he even asked Nick out in the first place, the fact he was gay and Nick wasn't, he hated everything.

And most of all, he hated the fact that he needed to prepare himself for being a friend and never anything more.


End file.
